- Jo: Good evening. I'm Jo Brand. Welcome to Have I Got Election News For You. Especially recorded after Election Night, so we'd know exactly what the final outcome was.
- [laughter]
- Jo: Well, that worked!
- [More laughter]
- Jo: On the kind of day that makes our political system the envy of the world yes, we've got no Government!
- [Cheering and applause]
- Paul: Does that mean we can do what we like?
- Jo: Yes!
- Jo: Ian and Jon, take a look at this.
- [Cut to footage of voter queuing at a polling station]
- Ian: People wanting to vote!
- Jon: Unmanageable turnout of 65%.
- [laughter]
- Ian: What do they think this is, South Africa? Get out of there!
- [Cut to people with ballot boxes]
- Ian: That's the Lib Dem vote being chucked in the river!
- Lembit: [On Esther Rantzan losing her deposit] Someone has to say it - That's Life!
- [Audience Groans]
- Lembit: The great thing about losing my seat is I can take a fee for this now, instead of getting this kind of abuse for nothing!
- [laughter and applause]
- Ian: I'm interested in the human story of what Lembit is going to do now.
- Jo: Go for it, then.
- Lembit: Are there any head hunters in the audience? I've always wanted to do whatever it is you're looking for... I don't know yet.
- Ian: It's brutal, democracy, isn't it?
- Lembit: No, but you are!
- [audience react]
- Lembit: You were horrible to me the *last* time I was on the show as well.
- Ian: I don't believe it! It's the sort of lies you politicians tell!
- Lembit: I'm not a politician!
- [Cheering and applause]