- Beck Oliver: Cat will play a 1980's stand-up comedian who's very annoying.
- Cat Valentine: I wanna be an unicorn.
- Beck Oliver: You can't.
- Cat Valentine: Phooey.
- Mr. Sikowitz: André, what do you have in store for Toro?
- Tori Vega: Did you just call me Toro?
- Mr. Sikowitz: Maybe.
- Tori Vega: It's Tori.
- Mr. Sikowitz: I know, but I do love that fatty tuna.
- [Tori leans over to Robbie]
- Tori Vega: Should I be offended?
- [Tori and Beck wake up. Beck breaks character. To Tori, in character as a police officer]
- Beck Oliver: Hey, what time is it?
- Tori Vega: Ah. Ah. You broke character. You lost. I am a police officer, and I am Victorious. Enjoy some raisin bran, you freakish Brit.
- [Tori pours raisin bran on Beck's head. Beck smiles]
- Tori Vega: This is Officer P'Desko, code three.
- [Tori imitates a police siren and runs out the door. Tori laughs. Tori closes the door]
- [In character as a police officer. Tori blows her whistle when she sees Jason. To Sikowitz]
- Tori Vega: Who is that handsome young man over there?
- [Jason smiles]
- Mr. Sikowitz: This is my nephew, Jason. He's staying with me while his parents are in Bangkok.
- Tori Vega: Does he have a girlfriend? Because as a police officer, I need to know that information.
- Jason: No, I'm not dating anyone.
- [Tori smiles]
- Tori Vega: Oh, then we have much to discuss.
- [to Jason]
- Mr. Sikowitz: Where ya headed?
- Jason: I'm going with some guys to see the Wall Dogs play at the Moxy.
- [Cat breaks character. Cat walks up to Jason. To Jason]
- Cat Valentine: I'll go with you to see the Wall Dogs play at the Moxy, I'll go right now.
- [Sikowitz imitates a buzzer]
- Mr. Sikowitz: Cat, you just broke character.
- [Sikowitz opens the door]
- Cat Valentine: Yay!
- [Cat drops her microphone to the ground. Jason puts his arm around Cat. To the other group members who remain in character]
- Cat Valentine: Bye, everyone. I'll be at Moxy.
- [Cat giggles. Tori is in disbelief. Jason and Cat leave together. Sikowitz closes the door. About Jason]
- Tori Vega: And to think I was going to let that boy eat my raisin bran.
- [In character as a police officer, to Cat, in character as a comedian]
- Tori Vega: That was quite an amusing commentary.
- [Cat smiles]
- [Cat and Jason arrive at the Vega household to watch Terms of Endearment]
- Cat Valentine: Hi, Tori's dad.
- Dad: Hi.
- [Cat introduces Jason]
- Cat Valentine: This is Jason.
- [Jason smiles]
- [Tori kisses Rex and chuckles]
- Tori Vega: Is that what you wanted?
- [Rex pants]
- Robbie Shapiro: Rex?
- Rex: Take me home.
- [Sikowitz opens the door. Cat enters and is in character as a comedian]
- Cat Valentine: What I want to know is what part of the chicken do the nuggets come from. Can someone tell me this, please? I mean, where's the wacky farm that raises nugget chickens?
- Mr. Sikowitz: Hilarious observations. Please, come in.
- [Sikowitz closes the door]
- Cat Valentine: And don't get me started on aeroplane food.
- [Tori is in character as a police officer. To Cat]
- Tori Vega: I notice that you're a stand-up comedienne.
- Cat Valentine: Where's the beef?
- Tori Vega: I am a police officer.
- [Tori takes a mouthful of raisin bran]
- Tori Vega: Would you like to join me in a handful of raisin bran?
- Cat Valentine: What's the deal with raisin bran? Is it raisins? Is it bran?
- [Cat chuckles]
- Cat Valentine: I wanna know.
- [Robbie is in character as a motivational speaker who has jelly legs. Robbie has just collapsed]
- Mr. Sikowitz: Are you alright?
- Robbie Shapiro: I'm right as rain, thank you for asking.
- Mr. Sikowitz: Then I issue a challenge.
- Tori Vega: What kind of challenge?
- Mr. Sikowitz: Who wants to have a sleepover at my house?
- [Jade stands up]
- Jade West: I do.
- [the rest of the group stare at Jade in confusion]
- Jade West: Oh, come on, you guys don't want to see where this lunatic lives?
- [to Sikowitz]
- Jade West: No offence.
- Mr. Sikowitz: It's alright, Jade, I savour your bitterness like a sweet rancid cream sauce.
- Cat Valentine: So, what's the plan?
- [In character as a police officer]
- Tori Vega: Who's at the door?
- Mr. Sikowitz: I'm not sure. She was...
- André's Grandmother: Where's Andre?
- [after Robbie announces Beck's character. Beck leans over to Andre. In a British accent]
- Beck Oliver: No problem.
- [In character as a police officer. To Robbie, after giving him raisin bran and he leaves]
- Tori Vega: Enjoy the raisin bran!
- [Tori closes the door and takes a mouthful of raisin bran]
- [Repeated line, in character as a pregnant marathon runner]
- Andre Harris: I think I'm gonna have a baby.
- [In character as a police officer. To Jade, in character as a farmer]
- Tori Vega: Hey, you.
- Jade West: Why, hello, officer, isn't this just a lovely shindig?
- Tori Vega: I can see your belly button.
- Jade West: Why, yes, that is my belly button.
- Tori Vega: Have you ever considered filling it with raisin bran?
- [Repeated line]
- [Sikowitz imitates a buzzer]
- [Robbie, Cat, Jason, Andre, and Jade are watching Terms of Endearment at the Vega household. All of them are laughing]
- Andre Harris: Does she ever quit crying?
- Jade West: Oh, she'll be dead in minutes.
- [the Vega parents look at them in confusion as they walk upstairs. All of them continue to laugh at Terms of Endearment]
- [When Robbie breaks character. Sikowitz imitates a buzzer]
- Mr. Sikowitz: You broke character. You're out!
- Robbie Shapiro: You tricked me.
- Mr. Sikowitz: Precisely. Now, go home.
- [about Jade]
- Mr. Sikowitz: And yet she never broke character.
- Jade West: Move this car!
- [a car window breaks and the car alarm goes off. A dog is barking. To Jade]
- Mr. Sikowitz: You broke character!
- [In character as a police officer. To Sikowitz]
- Tori Vega: And your neighbor's car window.
- [a police siren is heard. To Tori]
- Mr. Sikowitz: Go inside. Go inside.
- [Tori and Sikowitz go inside. Sikowitz closes the door]
- [to Beck, in character as a British, and Tori, in character as a police officer]
- Mr. Sikowitz: Good night.
- [Repeated line]
- [Sikowitz closes the door]
- [Repeated line]
- [Jason smiles]