The Simpsons (TV Series)

The Bob Next Door (2010)

Kelsey Grammer: Sideshow Bob

Quotes 

• Sideshow Bob : I can stand in one state, fire a gun in the second state, the bullet will travel through the third, hitting you in the fourth, so you'll fall down dead in the fifth! No single act is against any law, but their sum total is the greatest murder since Snape killed Dumbledore!

  Bart Simpson : Oh, I haven't gotten to that part yet!

  Sideshow Bob : It's a four-year-old book.

  Bart Simpson : I'm a slow reader.

  Sideshow Bob : A fitting epitaph.

• [Sideshow Bob/Walt Warren drives by the baseball stadium] 

  Bart Simpson : Uh, you missed the turnoff, Mr. Warren.

  Sideshow Bob : You don't have to call me Mr. Warren anymore. You see, Bart, you were right all along.

  [Sideshow Bob kicks off his shoes to let his feet unfold] 

  Sideshow Bob : I am Sideshow Bob!

  [Bart screams while Sideshow Bob maniacally laughs] 

  Sideshow Bob : And now I am free to sing all the Gilbert and Sullivan I damn well please!

  [pulls and unfolds an Oriental fan out of a glove compartment full of knives, shurikens and grenades] 

  Sideshow Bob : [singing]  Behold the Lord High Executioner, A personage of noble rank and title.

  [Bart collapses into his seat in horror as Sideshow Bob continues singing] 

• Sideshow Bob : Sorry gentlemen, I'm not a fan of that particular style of music. My radio dial never strays from 89.4, "The Spur".

  Milhouse Van Houten : That *is* a good station Bart, what, with the Morning Cattle Drive and Armadillo Mike in the afternoon, and nothing keeps me informed like Rodeo Rick's New Roundup every hour on the...

  Bart Simpson : Shut up!

• Joyce : [Bob, as Walt, is having lunch at the Gas and Grub cafe]  Another cup of coffee, handsome? It's on the house.

  Sideshow Bob : Well, that's kind of you, Joyce, but caffeine makes me jittery, and I have a task ahead of me which requires a firm hand.

  Joyce : Ooh, I like a man with a firm hand. Hey, looks like you've got a loose thread on your collar.

  Sideshow Bob : No, don't!

  [Joyce accidentally tears off his face and screams in horror at his insides] 

  Sideshow Bob : My face! My beautiful, borrowed face!

  [he straps his face back on with his belt and drives away] 

  Joyce : [running after him, until he is out of sight]  Come back! I don't care if you don't have a face. I just need something warm to cuddle at night!

  Marge Simpson : [the Simpsons and the real Walt drive by]  Excuse me. Have you seen this man?

  [she shows Joyce a picture of the pre-transplant Walt] 

  Joyce : Yeah, I've seen him. He, uh, said he was driving down to Mexico.

  Homer Simpson : Mexico? ándale! ándale! Arriba!

  Walt Warren : I don't believe her. I think she fell in love with my face, and she's trying to throw us off the scent.

  Marge Simpson : Walt, it's a nice face, but I don't think it would drive a professional waitress to lie.

  Walt Warren : Well, fine. You go to Mexico. I'm going to Five Corners.

  [the Simpsons drive away] 

  Joyce : [attracted to the Bob-faced Walt]  Hey, handsome. Is that a loose thread on your collar?

  [she tears him off too, and he clings onto his face and bikes away, leaving Joyce disappointed to have her flirting be in vain] 

  Joyce : All the good men are either gay or have no face.