- Nostalgia Critic: [as Dr. Applecheeks slowly and menacingly advances towards an ice cream cart] What the hell was that about? Was he gonna sexually assault it? I mean, what the hell?
- Nostalgia Critic: Did Tom and Jerry, one of the most famous silent duos of all-time, just speak to each other? No. No, no, no, no, no, no, It's gotta be a mistake, I gotta be hearing things. I'm gonna just go ahead and eat my customary 3-pound watermelon and drink my traditional pitcher of sangria both at the same time while I confirm how wrong I was about this ridiculous misunderstanding...
- Nostalgia Critic: A cat and a mouse are driving a ship trying to save the daughter of Indiana Jones while being chased by a Purple People Eater, a dog on a skateboard, a performing ship captain, his hand puppet Squawk, two Mexican wrestlers, and a doctor riding an ice cream cart! Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the Mind Fuck.
- Nostalgia Critic: With a comedy team this legendary, you would think Hollywood would put some real time and effort into putting their first feature length film together... they do not.
- Nostalgia Critic: Isn't it one of the Ten Commandments or something? Thou shalt not lie, thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's wife, Tom and Jerry do not talk!
- Nostalgia Critic: [as a character is getting ready to sing] Oh, no, please not another one. I'll do anything. I'll do your taxes, I'll shave your back, I'll prostitute myself for money, just please not another one!
- [Robin's aunt sings; Critic screams]
- Tom: I'm Tom.
- Jerry: I'm Jerry.
- Nostalgia Critic: [spits out water] What the hell? Did they just TALK?
- Nostalgia Critic: That's not what this film is about. I'll tell you exactly what this film is about. An hour and a half too long!
- Nostalgia Critic: WHY DOES EVERYBODY HAVE A SONG IN THIS? Doesn't anybody just say yes or no anymore?
- Nostalgia Critic: So you might be asking yourself "Is there any slapstick in this movie?", well there's a fat dog on a skateboard who seems to pester Tom and Jerry as they try to eat
- [shows a clip of the dog laughing]
- Nostalgia Critic: oh yeah, and he sounds like Gollum, but again, why isn't it Tom and Jerry doing all the slapstick?. I don't give a shit about the dog, I'm just praying they put him to sleep by the end of the movie
- [shows a clip of Jerry]
- Jerry: That goes double for me.
- Nostalgia Critic: Okay, um, little rewrite here. Ahem, okay, "Tom and Jerry: The Movie" is now about an orphan who is trying to find her father, Indiana Jones, while her evil aunt and her lawyer go searching for her because apparently she's worth a lot of money. Oh, and there's a cat and mouse in there somewhere, but that's not important.
- Nostalgia Critic: These fucking songs are horrible! It's like Alan Menken's puke somehow mutated and started writing music!
- Nostalgia Critic: He rescues his daughter and leaves Tom and Jerry to burn alive in the fire... wait, what?
- [the house collapses]
- Nostalgia Critic: Dude! That's... dark.
- Tom: What do you think I am? A dummy?
- Jerry: You said it.
- Nostalgia Critic: [spits out Sangria and watermelon at the same time] Holy crap! They talked! They actually TALKED! The Apocalypse has finally begun, pigs are learning how to fly, Satan is skating his way to work, and I'm pretty sure that I just became a monkey's uncle!
- Nostalgia Critic: So yeah, you're probably thinking "What the hell does this have to do with Tom and Jerry?", well I guess the writers felt that the story needed a little bit more conflict, cause you know,
- [sarcastically]
- Nostalgia Critic: Tom and Jerry didn't have any conflict whatsoever.
- [after a house collapses with Tom and Jerry on the roof]
- Robyn: [crying] They're gone. My best friends are gone.
- Mr. Starling: Don't cry, Robyn. We'll find them.
- Nostalgia Critic: Or at least what's left of their charred remains. Either way, we're eating tonight!
- [last lines]
- Nostalgia Critic: If I was to go back in time to tell the Tom and Jerry of 50 years ago that they would be making a film of this caliber about them, what do you think they'd have to say about it?
- Tom: Don't you believe it!
- Nostalgia Critic: I'm trying not to. I'm the Nostalgia Critic. I remember it so you don't have to.
- [getting up from his chair]
- Nostalgia Critic: God, what a fuck load of ass!
- Nostalgia Critic: I never thought anybody could depict an actual representation of the Purple People Eater, but if there's anything that comes close, it's Robin's aunt.
- Nostalgia Critic: [Comes to the scene with the cat gang] Oh come on, I already had one song cut the nuts off my childhood; I don't need another! I mean, look at this, it's like West Side Pussy; how can anyone find this entertaining? It's just torture!
- [shows a clip of the song they sing]
- Nostalgia Critic: Oh yeah, I'm gonna be humming that tune all week
- [mocking it]
- Nostalgia Critic: Nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, nyah, oh fuck it!
- Nostalgia Critic: Here's a real joke, Creative Consultant Joseph Barbera, that means they just went up to him everyday and asked "Is this destroying your creation?, Is this nothing like your original vision?" "Yes?, Good!"
- Nostalgia Critic: So let me clarify this for those of you who might have missed it: a cat and mouse are driving a ship, trying to save the daughter of Indiana Jones while being chased by a Purple People Eater, a dog on a skateboard, a performing ship captain, his hand puppet Squawk, two Mexican wrestlers, and a doctor riding an ice cream cart. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the mind fuck!