- Rallo Tubbs: [to Murray] Hey, old man. I don't expect you to throw your giant panties on the stage, but it's Christmas. The least you can do is pay attention.
- Murray: Leave me alone, kid. I'm Jewish.
- Rallo Tubbs: So? Just because you're bad at sports doesn't mean you can't celebrate Jesus' birthday.
- LeVar 'Freight Train' Brown: [showing a picture of him, Cookie and a young Cleveland to Cleveland Jr] Christmas 1975. Look at your grandma. Wasn't she beautiful? We had sex right after that picture was taken. Didn't we, Cookie?
- Evelyn 'Cookie' Brown: Did we?
- LeVar 'Freight Train' Brown: Yes, you did. I dressed up like Santa Claus and left a present in her chimney.
- Cleveland Brown Jr.: I have very mixed feelings about your visits.
- Rallo Tubbs: [to Murray] You know, I think I figured out why you're so cranky. Christmas is four days away and you don't even have a tree.
- Murray: I told you, Jews celebrate Hanukkah.
- Rallo Tubbs: Yeah, what is that? I tried looking it up, but no one knows how to spell it, so I gave up.
- Donna Tubbs: [to Cleveland about his parents] How can you let them talk to you that way in your own home?
- Cleveland Brown: Donna, enough. I will not be talked to that way in my own home.
- Donna Tubbs: Shut up, fool.
- Cleveland Brown: Okay.
- Dr. Fist: Cleveland, it appears your father has suffered a mild heart attack. I've never seen one accompanied by bruises to the face before.
- Cleveland Brown: I was beating him up at the time.
- Dr. Fist: Oh, hey, no judgment. Anywho, he should be fine. I'd like to run a few more tests to be sure, but it's Christmas Eve and I'd rather be with my family, so I'm going home.
- Rallo Tubbs: Junior, I'm scared, man.
- Cleveland Brown Jr.: Don't worry, Rallo. The doctor says Grandpa will be fine.
- Rallo Tubbs: What? I'm talking about Murray. I don't want him to go back to that home, but I don't want him to die, either.
- Cleveland Brown Jr.: You should do what your heart tells you to.
- Rallo Tubbs: Thank you for the worthless platitude.
- Cleveland Brown Jr.: All right, then I hope your old friend dies. Would that make you happy? You happy now? You happy that your old friend gonna die? You happy now, Rallo? Now quit teasing me!
- Donna Tubbs: [to Rallo] Momma's gonna open a bottle of wine and lay on the sofa with her pants off for a little while.