- Hazmat Worker: I got a tear in my suit! I've been exposed!
- Principal Lewis: Don't touch me! No reason we both got to die!
- Francine Smith: Well, I already signed us up to tour the private school.
- Stan Smith: Fine, but I'm not gonna try to impress anyone. No jokes, no charm, and I'm gonna wear the PJ bottoms where my pud always falls out.
- Stan Smith: [about the private school Francine wants to send Steve to] There is no way we're sending Steve here to hobnob with Jimmy Boom Box and his silver spoon pals.
- Stan Smith: Steve, your mom and I are paying a lot of money for you to go to this school.
- Steve Smith: More like so you can go! All you care about is taking me there so you can be friends with that senator.
- Stan Smith: Friends? Did he use that word?
- Steve Smith: God, you're embarrassing! But you're gonna be way more embarrassed if you make me go back there. I'll act like a wolfman.
- Stan Smith: No, you won't.
- Steve Smith: I'm a wolfman. My dad is Stan Smith. Don't put him on any task forces!
- Stan Smith: You wouldn't do that!
- Steve Smith: And I'd pant real fast! Wear makeup under the eyes. Is that what you want, Dad? You know I got the pipes!
- [makes a howling noise and the monster hunter breaks through the window]
- Monster Hunter: Die, demon of the night!
- Stan Smith: I was joking!
- Steve Smith: He was joking!
- Monster Hunter: What? Don't joke about that.
- Steve Smith: I won't!
- Stan Smith: We won't!
- Monster Hunter: I do a serious job. I don't need this.
- Stan Smith: We really appreciate everything you do.
- Roger the Alien: [to Stan] I'm already having a good day 'cause you called me son. Now give me a kiss. Kiss me on the lips, Dad. I want that kind of relationship with you.
- Roger the Alien: Hey, hey. Should I come out of the closet and then make a big stink when they won't let me take my 50-year-old boyfriend to the prom?
- Steve Smith: [after seeing a dog on the street] Sandy!
- Chris the Bum: His name is Ronald! You trying to rename my dog? This guy's trying to rename my dog!
- Stan Smith: [to Roger] My God! Did you get in a fight at school?
- Roger the Alien: No. Look, you know, I'm gonna be a straight shooter with you now. I think I screwed the pooch on this one.
- Stan Smith: What?
- Roger the Alien: You know how you said try to be friends with the senator's daughter?
- Stan Smith: Yeah.
- Roger the Alien: Well, it began like that, and then middle, middle, middle and then I sold her to a drug dealer. The end.
- Stan Smith: You what?
- Roger the Alien: Are you seriously mad at me, Stan? You're the who's always telling me to go with my instincts. I thought you'd be proud of me.
- [looks out the window]
- Roger the Alien: Ah, there's a blue jay out there.
- Stan Smith: I don't want to see the blue jay.
- Roger the Alien: Oh, it's so blue. You're not gonna want to miss this.
- Stan Smith: No.
- Roger the Alien: Stan...
- Stan Smith: Fine.
- Roger the Alien: Oh, it's gone.
- Stan Smith: Why would you sell the girl?
- Roger the Alien: Why would you not look at the blue jay earlier?
- Stan Smith: [about Cookie] How do we sober her up?
- Roger the Alien: We don't. She's she is strung out, but she's a heavy user with a massive tolerance, so she might pull it together. She also might die. Either way, I'm eating dessert. I've been very good this week.