- Bobby Newman: [having met NASCAR driver Brian Vickers] That was a man.
- Kenny Morittori: What's the difference?
- P.J. Franklin: Oh, gosh, I don't know. To me it's about responsibility, honesty, intelligence...
- Mike Callahan: Bah, blah, blah. These are all abstract concepts, like justice or electricity.
- Brendan Dorff: All right, so what'd you guys think of Ashley?
- P.J. Franklin: Do you buy her a children's ticket at the movies?
- Mike Callahan: Did you meet her at the American Girl Teahouse?
- Kenny Morittori: I enjoyed watching your date on "To Catch a Predator."
- P.J. Franklin: Your turn, Bobby.
- Bobby Newman: No, no, dude, I am completely supportive. I think it is awesome that you're helping her study for her S.A.T.s.
- Brendan Dorff: [picked on for his young girlfriend] You know, when I go out with her friends, they're a lot nicer.
- Bobby Newman: Yeah, because they need you to buy them beer.
- P.J. Franklin: Hey, pick another handful out of the man sack.
- Kenny Morittori: Ugh. We gotta rename that.
- Stephanie Layne: Does anyone have an idea for my new book?
- Brendan Dorff: Oh, why don't you take our lives, thinly veil our names, and air all of our personal problems? Oh! Oh, no, wait. You already did that one.
- Brendan Dorff: She's gonna want you to do that list, Mr. Showerhead, okay? And if you do, she will own you.
- Bobby Newman: I'm just trying to be helpful, man.
- Brendan Dorff: Be helpful every now and then, but don't set a precedent.