- Vinny Guadagnino: Yeah, I'm the youngest guy in the house. But I'm the most mature person in the house.
- Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi: Oh my God! Please don't tell me I have missing teeth! Please don't tell me I have missing teeth!
- Mike 'The Situation' Sorrentino: [about Sammi] I'm not touching one dish because I cooked a crazy meal and she's got the nerve to tell me to clean my plate. You know what? You are excluded from dinner then. From now on, you're excluded from surf and turf night. You're excluded from ravioli night. You're excluded from chicken cutlet night.
- DJ Pauly D: My hair didn't even move an inch and I was in and out of the water. My hair's windproof, waterproof, soccer-proof, motorcycle-proof. I'm not sure if my hair's bulletproof. I'm not willing to try that.
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: Pauly and Mike are always looking for girls, you know what I mean? I think they're going fishing tonight. They'll probably scrape something off of the boardwalk.
- Vinny Guadagnino: I feel the beat, right? It might, just so happen, that my fists might just pump in the air. Like, it might just happen. It has nothing to do with New Jersey or New York.
- Jenni Farley: She called Snickers fat and that, like, triggered me... umm, so I threw my drink in her face.
- Nicole 'Snooki' Polizzi: I look over and I see, like, hair being pulled and all this shit. I was like; oh my God. How do I get in?
- Vinny Guadagnino: So are these just regular turntables?
- DJ Pauly D: Well, they're Technique 1200 M5G's. They're not regular turntables, they're the best turntables you can buy. This is a Rain TTM 57 SL...
- Vinny Guadagnino: -All right, shut the fuck up. I'm getting the fuck out of here.
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: [about Tom] This kid is in love. Jwoww's pussy must be rainbows and pots of treasure.
- Ronnie Ortiz-Magro: [about JWoww & Tom's relationship] I would give her dick and bubblegum. I would send her a picture of my dick and a pack of bubblegum and say; chew on this.