- Felix Livingstone: So, my research tells me Miss Jocelyn Kelly has only remained fully clothed in one film, a remake of "Little Women".
- Sam Gillespie: Play to your strengths, I say.
- Sister Boniface: Young Mary was already dead when she fell down the stairs.
- Felix Livingstone: Are you sure?
- Sister Boniface: I would bet my Lord Peter Wimsey collection on it!
- Peggy Button: [learning Jocelyn is auditioning for Maria in The Sound of Music] A nun? Well, she must be a very, very good actress!
- Ruth Penny: As you all know, Charles Streatham is everybody's bet for next PM. He's also champion of the government's Traditional Values Campaign.
- Felix Livingstone: Ah, yes. Monogomy, abstention, religion. A most commendable initiative.
- Sam Gillespie: Also known as the campaign for the end of fun.