- Sterling Archer: Lana... Lana... Lana... LLAANNAA!
- Agent Lana Kane: WHAT?
- Sterling Archer: ...Danger Zone!
- Ray Gillette: What's going on?
- Lana Kane: The timer sped up!
- Ray Gillette: What? Did you cut the green one?
- Sterling Archer: Yes. Roger. Steven. Whoever!
- Ray Gillette: What were the last two letters?
- Sterling Archer: B as in butthole!
- Lana Kane: Ray, what do we do here?
- Sterling Archer: And M and in mancy.
- Ray Gillette: What?
- Lana Kane: M as in what?
- Sterling Archer: Mancy. What did you think I said?
- Ray Gillette: Nancy! You idiot!
- Lana Kane: Ray, tell me what to do!
- Ray Gillette: So, do ya'll have parachutes?
- Lana Kane: No!
- Ray Gillette: Well that would be, you know, problem solved.
- Lana Kane: Ray!
- Ray Gillette: I don't know. Push it off with your big-ass hands! Good luck, honey.
- Sterling Archer: Forget about Krause, there's your bomber. That guy, Beardsley McTurban-head.
- Malory Archer: You idiot. That's Sandhu Singh, the billionaire investor. He's a Sikh.
- Sterling Archer: Oh, so if he's not a Muslim, he just gets a pass? Well that's called profiling Mother, and I don't do it.
- Capt. Lammers: Mr. Singh is a Excelsior's majority shareholder.
- Sterling Archer: So.
- Capt. Lammers: If anything went wrong with this flight, he'd lose millions.
- Sterling Archer: It's the perfect cover.
- Malory Archer: [Cheryl is lying unconscious in a pool of water] Oh, my God! What the hell happened here?
- Pam: Well, she and Cyril were getting it on, and Cyril lost it...
- Malory Archer: So he killed her?
- Pam: No, no. And then Cheryl got all freaked out and, long story short, I had to drown her a little bit.
- Malory Archer: So *you* killed her?
- Pam: [Cheryl comes to, spluttering water,] Apparently not.
- Cheryl Tunt: Pick one. Either A, I tell Lana what happened on that scratchy green office rug or 2, you get inside me.
- Cyril Figgis: Or C, maybe I just jam this mop into the engine and kill all of us.
- Cheryl Tunt: I don't think that's how blimps work.
- Cyril Figgis: Darn! Right, we just sort of float around. Stupid naturally safe helium.
- Cheryl Tunt: But I am liking the jamming imagery. And the killing!
- Cyril Figgis: And are you just gonna sit there?
- Pam Poovey: Yeah, until she tags me in!
- Cyril Figgis: What?
- Pam Poovey: I'm kidding. My back's all messed up.
- Agent Lana Kane: Can you just get out of the way?
- Sterling Archer: What? Are you going to shoot me again?
- Agent Lana Kane: Yes!
- Sterling Archer: Well then hang on.
- [He moves out of her way]
- Agent Lana Kane: Cyril's already freaked out enough about us sharing this shoebox without you air drying your unkempt bush!
- Sterling Archer: Unkempt bush?
- [Someone knocks at the door]
- Sterling Archer: Ha, you're one to talk!
- Agent Lana Kane: Huh! My vulva is smoother than a veal cutlet
- [opens the door and sees Cyril]
- Agent Lana Kane: with terrible timing.
- [last lines]
- Agent Lana Kane: OK, then, what did you want to talk about?
- Cyril Figgis: Um, well, uh, a lot of stuff really.
- [There is a loud explosion]
- Cyril Figgis: Starting with the fact that we just bombed Ireland.
- Agent Lana Kane: Um, pretty sure that's Wales.
- Agent Lana Kane: [On cell phone] So, what would you say if I told you that your mother made a phony bomb threat just to get a free ride on a blimp?
- Sterling Archer: I'd say that's fairly classic her.
- Agent Lana Kane: Oh, shut up.
- Sterling Archer: And then I'd just sort of laugh at the... uh, uh, watchamacallit... irony?
- [Sees bomb timer ticking down]
- Sterling Archer: Jesus! You want to blow us all to shit, Sherlock?
- [Archer slaps the face of a man attempting to light a cigarette]
- Malory Archer: Sterling!
- Capt. Lammers: For the last time, the Excelsior is filled with non-flamable helium!
- Ray Gillette: Lana? Hey, girl, are you there?
- Agent Lana Kane: [On a video link] Yeah, I'm... Hey, can you see me?
- Ray Gillette: I see your knock-off Fiacci drawers.
- Agent Lana Kane: Ha, ha. You are such a bitch.
- Cyril Figgis: Why the hell are you two still here?
- Cheryl Tunt: Because I knew you'd be here because you don't trust Lana with Mr. Archer.
- Cyril Figgis: No! No, now that is...
- Cheryl Tunt: ...so ironic, Cyril, especially in light of recent rug-burny events.
- Cyril Figgis: No!
- Pam Poovey: Oh, my god, you two BANGED?
- Cyril Figgis: I, uh, see, here's the thing... uh fruit basket!
- [Dumps basket on floor]
- Pam Poovey: Wow. You are just a dog in a manger.
- Cheryl Tunt: I don't know what that means, Pam. I didn't grow up on a cheese farm.
- Pam Poovey: Oh for the... It's called a dairy.
- [first lines]
- Narrator of Blimp Commercial: All aboard for safety and adventure on the rigid airship Excelsior, where the pampered luxury of a cruise ship meets the smoothness of modern air travel.
- Sterling Archer: Hey! What'd I tell you, huh? Huh?
- [Archer slaps man attempting to light cigarette]
- Man Lighting Cigarette: Ow!
- [Archer grabs the man and shoves several bills of money in his mouth]
- Sterling Archer: There! Go buy a nicotine patch!
- Pam Poovey: Okay, so Cyril got in over his head.
- Malory Archer: Jesus. God, did he kill her?
- Pam Poovey: No, no, no. He ran from her to go confess to Lana. But then this one starts freaking out and long story short, I kinda had to drown her in the tub.
- Malory Archer: So you killed her?
- Pam Poovey: Apparently not, so good news.
- Capt. Lammers: We don't normally drink on the bridge.
- Sterling Archer: Well I don't normally fly on the Hindenberg 2.0!
- Lana Kane: And Cyril doesn't normally storm off without kissing me goodbye!
- Sterling Archer: So we're all out of our comfort zone.
- Malory Archer: Not me! My stateroom is gorgeous.
- Sterling Archer: Look how tiny this room is.
- Malory Archer: Oh, my God, it's like a broom closet.
- Sterling Archer: And yet, a surprising amount of storage.
- Malory Archer: Oh, shut up. And Cyril, very eager to know why you're still here.
- Agent Lana Kane: He was just...
- Cyril Figgis: ...helping Lana get settled.
- Sterling Archer: Trust me, Cyril, she already settled.