Community (TV Series)
Environmental Science (2009)
Joel McHale: Jeff Winger
Photos
Quotes
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Britta Perry : Did you talk to Chang?
Jeff Winger : [Hung over] Yeah, but it didn't do any good. My head still hurts from all the yelling. And my pupils are more sensitive to light because he yelled at me so much.
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Jeff Winger : Fine. I'll do it. But when you find my body, don't believe the suicide note.
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Britta Perry : There's only one solution. Someone has to go to Chang and talk to him.
Annie Edison : I vote we all look at Jeff at the same time.
Jeff Winger : [looks up from his phone] In a way, all of you are right. Okay, what was I tuning out?
Annie Edison : You have to get Chang to call off some of this homework. You're the one with the silver tongue.
Pierce Hawthorne : Yeah, go tongue Chang.
Jeff Winger : Guys, what makes you think I can convince Chang of anything if I can't even convince you not to make me do it?
Shirley Bennett : I guess it sounds crazy.
Troy Barnes : Oh... Jeff does raise a good point.
Pierce Hawthorne : I don't get it.
Troy Barnes : Wait, you are convincing!
[all gasp]
Shirley Bennett : You just made us change. You could do it.
[Jeff looks up from his phone in frustration]
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Señor Chang : I pleasured that woman greatly.
Jeff Winger : Yeah. You look like you would have to. I'm not surprised you said that.
Señor Chang : I like you, Winger. Pickled bull testicle?
Jeff Winger : Uh, are you offering or collecting?
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Annie Edison : You devious clump of overpriced fabric and hair product.
Shirley Bennett : Speaking as one of the meek, as soon as I inherit the earth, you a dead man.
Troy Barnes : You got a weird forehead.
Britta Perry : We're all very disappointed.
Jeff Winger : All right, dial it back a little, Britta. If anyone should be disappointed, it's me. What kind of a group threatens to kick someone out unless he helps them?
Pierce Hawthorne : What kind of a person is asked to help other people and then helps himself!
Annie Edison : Yeah.
Shirley Bennett : Mm-hmm.
Jeff Winger : Helps himself? I don't think I like being talked to that way!
Britta Perry : He's using fake outrage to justify leaving.
Jeff Winger : Fake outrage? Justify my... Yeah, that's it. I'm out of here.
Annie Edison : Oh, you're breaking up with the group?
Jeff Winger : That's what you guys want.
Pierce Hawthorne : It's all right, I've been divorced seven times.
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Señor Chang : [knocks] What do you want, Winger? Here to complain about the homework on behalf of the class?
Jeff Winger : Can I ask you a personal question, Señor Chang?
Señor Chang : [laughs] Okay, Freud. Sure. You try to penetrate my psychological armor, and...
Jeff Winger : Did your wife leave you?
Señor Chang : Holy...
[gasps]
Señor Chang : How did you know?
Jeff Winger : Well, when you pick juries, you learn to read the little stuff. Same shirt twice in one week. Teaching us the word "esposa" means "liar." The picture of you with a woman with a post-it note dialogue balloon above her head that says, "enjoy it while it lasts."
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Señor Chang : Here you go. Look at Pierce's paragraph from unit two.
Jeff Winger : Let's see. "I took a computer class at tiende de manzana..." The apple store. Adorable.
Señor Chang : Keep going, keep going.
Jeff Winger : And the saleswoman had manzanas gigante. Ruined it.
Señor Chang : Can you imagine being married to him?
Jeff Winger : Seven times! Seven different women agreed to marry that guy. It's cra--
[laughing]
Señor Chang : [high-pitched sobbing] I'm so alone. I'm so lonely! I want to die.
Jeff Winger : Come on man, it... Come on, don't do that.
Señor Chang : [catching his breath] I... Just miss her so much.
Jeff Winger : Yeah.
Señor Chang : [sobbing] I'm sorry. This is so stupid.
Jeff Winger : No, no, it's fine. It's just... buddy, you know...
Señor Chang : It's dumb!
Jeff Winger : You know I can see that you're hurting, um, but I have to get to accounting. And it's not like I'm hitting strip clubs with professor Whitman.
Señor Chang : You better not be!
Jeff Winger : What?
Señor Chang : All I ask...
[sniffles]
Señor Chang : is for you to keep filling the void in my soul.
Jeff Winger : Well, I'll have to think of something.
