The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Godzilla (2009)

James Rolfe: The Angry Video Game Nerd

Quotes 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The best way to sum this up, is to recite a very famous quote from William Shakespeare. "Fuck it."

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : "Godzi, Monster of Monsters!" This should already be a clue to how half-ass this game is, because he's blocking half the title.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Why's it always X? Like they couldn't come up with an exact year, so just make it X.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Great lookin' game. What's this, Godzilla chess?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : She can shoot tomatoes. And drop wings. Yeah, she drops wings. That would be like if you could throw your own arms

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : How could they do this to the king of the monsters? They might as well have Godzilla in a clown suit jumping on a pogo stick.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Ooh, the year 199X. They narrowed it down to the decade, so I guess they were a little more confident with the date on this one.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : And how does Godzilla jump without bending his knees? Looks like he's bouncing on a trampoline.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : What's this, too? What's that? What's everything? Did they just send Godzilla to some shithole planet that happens to be the garbage can of the cosmos where everything that never existed got thrown away?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : That's a sensible solution, kick the top of a volcano.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : THAT FUCKIN' TIME LIMIT! THAT MOTHERFUCKIN' SHIT-SUCKIN' TIME LIMIT! It's not even like there's a counter. It's like the game just pulls the plug, like, "Oh, you're gonna win? Well, not anymore you ass-bag, fecal-fucker, shit-shaped anus brain!" The game cheats. That's it. That's all there is to it. The game fuckin' cheats.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : You thought the first game was bad? This is an insult to the first game! This shouldn't have been called Godzilla 2! That would be like if the NES had a Ninja Gaiden IV, but it was a puzzle game. You don't pretend this is a sequel when it's not even in the same category! It should've been called Godzilla: Strategic Operations Simulator, or SimZilla.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : So playing as Godzilla, you'd want to be destroying buildings, right? Well here, the buildings drain your health. That makes no sense! Godzilla destroys buildings all the time! That's what he's good at! That's like if Mike Tyson couldn't punch anybody without hurting his hand.

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : Why is it so hard to have two monsters fighting without it bein' a fuckin' Einstein project?

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : The whole tragedy of this, and what I'll never forget, is that Nintendo Power teased me with this game. Issue 72, May, 1995: "Coming Soon! Godzilla: Destroy All Monsters!" When I saw this page, I shit my pants. "A Godzilla tournament fighter? Oh my God, I can't wait to play this!" Never again was it mentioned, and never could I find it in stores. Only in Japan, only in Japan...

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : [Yells]  FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCK!

  [as he screams the Ultimate Fuck, along with Godzilla roaring, he angrily makes some of his Super NES games fall off of his shelf, Godzilla-style. Afterwards, he's on his futon drinking Rolling Rock] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Why couldn't I have those games when I was a kid? Goddamn it, I was born too fuckin' early!

  [sighs] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : Instead, I have to grow up with these miserable pieces of shit fuckin' anal jugs. These games suck Baragon's sweaty ballsack! I'd rather get an electric shock from suckin' Mecha-Godzilla's mechanical weiner! These games are shit, drizzling out of the Smog Monster's rancid putrid a-hole! And then, being swallowed and barfed up by Anguirus while I lay on his spikes getting Gigan's buzzsaw up my ass, "while Destoroyah dumps his diabolical diarrhea all over my face!" Man, it's just a bunch of fuck, it's a pile of cunt, fuck, shit, fuck... cunt... Fuck. Goddamn it. I just said "Fuck!" from the bottom of my heart and I said every curse that there is. There's nothin' left. So you know what? Somebody's gotta invent a new curse word. I think I got it. This game, these fuckin' games are...

  [censored bleep with color bars over his mouth; uncensored version, "This game, these fuckin' games are... scunt!"] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : ! Oh yeah. It's that bad.