Plot

Gabrielle and Angie challenge each other's parenting skills; Susan befriends a stripper; Lynette and Tom argue the merits of their new therapist; Bree keeps a watchful eye on Orson, for fear he may take his own life.

Tom's psychotherapist may not turn out to be expected when Tom and Lynette attend a theatre production that Dr. Graham appears in. Robin, a stripper with an Education degree whom works as Susan's club, tells Susan that she hopes to find another job. Meanwhile, Gabrielle and Angie show hostility toward each other over Danny dating Ana. Also, Bree tries to cheer up the Orson after he manipulates her further by play-acting as depressed and hints to her that he wants to take his own life.—matt-282

Our omnipresent ghost narrator Mary Alice says, "Orson Hodge was smiling again. And it was starting to worry his wife." Bree had grown accustomed to his severe mood swings you see -- his unexpected rage, his sudden anguish and his deep depression.

But lately, an odd tranquility had settled over him, and Bree had the sense that something was wrong. Sadly, she was right. Bree comes home and finds Mike, Carlos, and Roy going through Orson's belongings...most of them, even the really nice things. Orson cheerily announces to her that he's getting rid of a few things he doesn't need anymore.

Concerned, she doesn't understand why he'd give away his books and CDs, things he can still use. He chastises the men for taking advantage of an emotionally distraught man, but Mike answers that Orson seems to be in good spirits. ("Until Lady Sunshine came along," Roy grumbles in Mike's ear.) She calls them vultures and says she's amazed they aren't going through his closets, which she says as Tom Scavo descends the stairs in Orson's tux, then creeps back up before she can see him. Bree kicks out the boys, instructing them to leave the plunder behind. But Roy doesn't, wisecracking that at his age, it's a short-term loan.

Once they're gone, Bree asks Orson what's gotten into him. Orson smiles and says he never meant to upset her. He instructs her to keep his things, or give them away. Then he serenely wheels himself out of the room.

"Yes, Orson Hodge was smiling again. And Bree would soon learn the reason why. You see, her husband had decided...to kill himself."

Mary Alice observes, "In this never-ending drama we call life, everyone has a part to play. Some are cast as romantic leads. Others end up playing the victim. And a few provide comic relief. But if the drama is to be really compelling, there must be a hero...and a villain."

Angie Bolen comes out to bother Mrs. Krinsky, who calls her the garbage police. Angie gently reminds her to recycle. Mrs. Krinsky informs her that she really doesn't care. Maybe she doesn't care about the planet now, Angie says, but what about the planet her grandchildren will inherit?

"My son is shooting blanks, and my daughter likes the ladies. Grandkids are the least of my concerns," Mrs. Krinsky says. "By the time it's a problem, I'll be long gone. Let the cockroaches and the robots fight over it."

Angie heads back inside, where Nick warns her not to blow her cover. Angie insists that she still cares about the Earth. "Sometimes you chain yourself to the tree, and sometimes you go after the guy with the saw," Angie says. "That's what Patrick used to say."

Hmm...mystery man Patrick. Nick tells her they don't talk about Patrick anymore. "I'm just sayin'," Angie says.

"So am I," Nick replies forcefully.

Meanwhile at Double D's, Susan is signing the last of the paperwork that officially sells off her share of the strip club. "Here's a little something to remember us by!" says Jimbo, who hands her a t-shirt that says, "Lap dance: It's a grind!" Susan politely thanks him and heads off, but not before encountering a stripper reading "Moby Dick." She doubles back and asks her about it.

"It's not what you think," the nice girl says. "It's about a whale."

Susan says she knows, and we sense an "O Captain, my captain moment." The stripper tells her that she saw an article about the 100 books she should read before she dies, and decides to get cracking. She and Susan converse, and she tells Susan that she wanted to be a teacher once too, even went to school for it. But circumstances intervened and she started out stripping to earn cash. Nine years later, she says with a smirk, she's still wearing tassels.

The floor manager, calling her Robin, says she has a request for a private dance from a guy who looks like an ape. Robin jokes that she wishes he'd keep the tips and invest in a toothbrush. Susan looks concerned. She pulls Robin aside and tells her that she doesn't have to keep doing this if it makes her unhappy. She tells Robin that she can do anything she wants, that it's never too late to change her life. Robin considers this, then thanks her. She takes her book with her, explaining that if a guy gets grabby, it's nice to have something to whack 'em with. "Almost killed a guy with 'War and Peace,'" Robin jokes.

Elsewhere in the 'burbs, Tom and Lynette Scavo are in couples counseling, bickering over Lynette being a back-seat driver. The therapist counsels her to let Tom be in the driver's seat sometimes. "Bringing the score to Tom 4, controlling bitch, zero," Lynette deadpans. The therapist says there is no score board. Time is up, and the couple head out. Tom raves about how much better he feels after a therapy session, but Lynette isn't so peppy. She think the therapist is siding with Tom, and wants a second opinion. Tom is shocked and reminds Lynette that when they started, she used to love their shrink.

"Yeah," Lynette said, "and when we started, I loved to too. Things change. Let's go." Tom doubles back, explaining that he forgot his keys, and overhears his therapist on the phone, mentioning she has dress rehearsal. Tom asks her about it, and she reveals she's in a community theater production of "Antony and Cleopatra." At first she says she wouldn't want to force anyone to sit through it but when Tom starts to say his goodbyes she hands him a flier and tells him that matinees are half off.

Gabrielle drops in on Angie to pick up Ana, who hasn't been answering her cell phone. Angie lets her in and explains that they're up in Danny's room. They were playing loud music, so she told Danny to close the door. You know...teenagers. Gabby, in her typical Gabby way of not quite masking her dismay: "So they're by themselves. With the door shut. Just a couple of teenagers, alone with their genitals!"

Gabby bangs a spoon on the banister and yells for Ana to come down immediately. Ana comes out to see what the matter is, and Gabby tells her that she needs her to watch the kids. Ana talks back, amazed the house isn't on fire and heads back to Danny's room to get her stuff.

Gabby isn't too happy with Angie's laissez-faire attitude parenting of her teen son, but Angie tries to shrug it off, saying the best way to deal with it is to counsel them not to do anything stupid. She asks Gabby if she's gotten Ana any birth control. "I make her spend time with Juanita and Celia. I was hoping that would do it," Gabby quips.

Angie can't believe that Gabby hasn't given Ana "the talk," but Gabby thinks Ana's still too young -- she's only seventeen."

"How old were you when you first did it?" Angie asks Gabby. Gabby replies with a shocked look on her face before banging on the banister again and yelling out to her niece.

"Ana, hurry up! Gotta hit the pharmacy too. "

Bree is in her house when she finds something on Orson's laptop...it's a suicide note. When she confronts Orson about it, he corrects her -- it's a suicide rough draft. He didn't mean for her to find it, but since she did, he suggests they discuss it.

Bree says there's nothing to discuss -- she forbids him kill himself. She vows to remove anything Orson can use to harm himself from the house and watch him 24 hours a day if she has to.

"Well," he says, "being bored to death wasn't how I was planning to go, but we can try it your way."

Bree looks crestfallen. Orson tells her that he's going to give her some time to adjust to the idea, but trust him -- it's going to happen.

Meanwhile, Gabby is setting out condoms on the dining room table. Carlos asks what the deal is with the condoms, and she tells him they're not for him. "Just what every man wants to hear from his wife," Carlos says. Gabby then reminds him that Ana is dating Danny Bolen. Carlos then declares his intention to kill Danny with his bare hands and bury him under the porch. But Gabby points out that they need to be realistic and reasonable.

Nature is going to take its course, she says, just like Angie pointed out.

Carlos reminds Gabby that of course Angie would say that, she's the parent of the boy. What if the condom breaks or Danny forgets to put it on? Who does Gabby think is going to raise the kid? Gabby jokes that yes, those 3 a.m. feedings will be tough on him after a long day at work. Carlos replies that no, she'll doing those 3 a.m. feedings, because he'll be in prison serving time for what will be buried underneath the porch. She'd better convince Ana to keep her legs crossed until she's out of their house.

Susan is sweeping her porch when Robin drops by for a surprise visit, to announce that she has quit Double D's. She says she never would have done it without Susan's encouragement, that Susan is her new role model. Her old role model was "Candy, down at the club, but Candy O.D.'d," Robin says. Susan hugs her and tells her that change takes a lot of courage. Robin asks her what she should do now.

Susan can't believe she quit without having anything lined up, and Robin is confused...Susan told her to she can do anything. Is that not true? Susan reiterates that yes, it's true. She has money saved up, right?

And...smash cut to Robin in Susan's house, sitting with MJ, while Mike and Susan quietly discuss the situation in the kitchen. Susan feels responsible for helping the poor girl, who spent all of her $1 bills on a boob job, a bad relationship, and the rising cost of glitter. Mike asks if she has any skills beyond picking up paper money without using her hands.

At the table, MJ asks Robin why she's sad, and Robin tells him that she needs a job but doesn't have any skills. MJ says that she's so pretty that she should just be a princess. Susan and Mike watch this exchange and it dawns on Susan that they've been looking for an assistant art teacher at the school. Mike asks if Susan thinks she can handle that. "We glue macaroni to shoe boxes," Susan says. "It's not the hardest job in the world." At the table, Robin thanks MJ for cheering her up and MJ says with a smile that's as lascivious as little boy's smile can be, "You can give me a bath if you want."

Bree gets home and catches Roy asleep on suicide watch. She goes to chew him out but he tells her to relax, that he just stuck Orson in the laundry room with a broom through his wheelchair's spokes. Alarmed, Bree goes to free Orson and on his way out Roy says, "Hey, you're alive. My job's done here."

Bree is an hour late because she had to pick up some guests. What guests, you ask? Bree pushes Orson out to the living room to meet Chris and Ron, two other paraplegics in chairs. Bree asks Orson to listen to them, and leaves the men so she can make some tea. One of the guys begins to try to give Orson a pep-speech, starting out by saying he's not handicapped, he's handy-capable. They play basketball and make love, just like other people. Plus, the other points out, Orson's ahead of the game because he has a wife who loves him. Orson replies by bitterly joking that the guy must be the first to get on the airplane, since he's obviously blind as well as unable to walk. "My wife stays with me solely out of obligation," Orson says, and Bree, who has been listening nearby in the kitchen, can't believe her ears.

Orson reminds her that he wouldn't be in the chair if he hadn't gotten injured during that fist fight with Karl, her lover. The two visitors shoot each other a look and then one says, "Hey...don't we have a basketball game at two?"

Orson asks Bree to say, out loud, that she loves him. After struggling for a moment, she is only able to say, "I ... care for you very deeply." Satisfied to have pointed out the selfishness behind her attempts to be selfless, Orson leaves the room. Bree politely excuses herself and asks the men to roll themselves out.

While Ana is doing her homework, Gabby interrupts and tells her that Carlos wants Gabby to talk with Ana about the birds and the bees. "Oh boy," Ana says, rolling her eyes. Gabby says she feels exactly the same way. That's why she's writing Ana a check large enough to cover one year of modeling school and a decent sized apartment in New York. The catch? It isn't signed.

"I will sign it once you have graduated high school without having sex," Gabby says, adding that she could blather on about morality responsibility or STDs, but instead she figured Ana was the kind of girl who responds to cold hard cash. Ana says she's right and pockets the check.

Tom and Lynette are bickering in the audience as their therapist's presentation of "Antony and Cleopatra" is going on. The therapist, playing Cleopatra, enters. She's terrible. That's an understatement. When they head home they agree that Lincoln had a better time at the theater. They have a good laugh ripping into the performance until Tom expresses concern that he won't be able to get over the performance before their next therapy session. Lynette can't believe her ears -- she thought they agreed to find another therapist. Tom obviously did not get that memo.

Lynette, who refuses to take relationship advice from a woman who burped during her character's death scene, says that the evening taught her two things: Dr. Graham has no insight in to real human behavior, and there are 428 tiles on the ceiling of the theater. Tom insists they're going to the next session and adds that, actually, there are 429 tiles.

Susan is tidying up her classroom when Robin enters for her first day as a teaching assistant, toting a leather briefcase, and wearing a suit with glasses she doesn't even need. She wants to look smart. Susan gives her a first assignment: Hang a few globes the kids painted last week. Robin takes Susan aside and, getting a little choked up, thanks Susan for taking a chance on her. As she stands up on the table (in her high heels) one of Susan's pupils comes back with his father -- seems he forgot something.

Noticing Robin, the man asks, "Who's that?" Susan informs him that her name is Ms. Gallagher, her teaching assistant. The guy goes over to Robin and asks if they know each other. Robin says no, that she just has one of those faces. Robin struts across the low table to hang another globe, and as the man watches her legs pass, he realizes where he's seen her.

Not long after that, Susan is sitting in the principal's office and being reminded that the school relies on its donors. Susan says, of course. Then he asks Susan if it's true that her new teaching assistant can "break a five by shaking out her underwear." It seems the dad, a major donor, recognized Robin from his extracurricular activities.

Later that evening, Gabby is struggling to put her daughters to bed and asks Ana what she and Danny, who are sitting together on the couch, are doing that night. Ana informs her that they're going to stay in and study. "Good girl," Gabby says with a smile, and goes to put the girls in a bath. Once Gabby's out of the room, Ana jumps on Danny, giving him a deep kiss. He's surprised. He reminds Ana that she made Gabby a promise.

"I promised her I wouldn't have sex. I didn't promise i]you wouldn't," she says. Danny smiles, turns out the lights and gets on top of Ana.

At that moment, Angie is outside yelling to an unseen Mrs. Krinsky that she would sort her trash for her, and Carlos pulls into his driveway. He comes inside to a darkened house, turns on the light and sees Danny on his couch, sans shirt. Ana sits up, her top disheveled and almost off. Carlos flies into a rage and grabs Danny, holding him by the throat against the wall. Gabby runs down the staircase to see what's going on. Conveniently, Angie hears the ruckus and turns around to see Carlos, through the Solis's front window, physically threatening her son. She marches into their house and commands Carlos to unhand Danny, and when he doesn't, grabs a very expensive vase and shatters it against the wall. She tells Danny to wait outside.

Carlos tells Angie what he saw, and Angie says she doesn't care -- if Carlos threatens her son again, she'll kill him. She turns and leaves the Solis family in utter shock. Outside, as Angie is walking Danny home, Mrs. Krinsky emerges with her trashcans in her hands and yells to Angie that she noticed her sorting her glass from her plastics. Mrs. Krinsky makes a show of dumping her unsorted garbage into the containers, ruining Angie's work. "Suck it, Earth!" she says with relish.

Angie stalks over and forcefully side-kicks two of the full trash cans over, scaring Mrs. Krinsky. Danny pulls her away and looks at Mrs. Krinsky apologetically.

Tom and Lynette are back in therapy, and Lynette is barely responsive. The therapist asks Lynette if there's something wrong, and Tom tries to blame the pregnancy. But the doctor pushes and reassures Lynette that she can say anything in session, that's it's a safe space.

Lynette pauses for a moment, then says, "OK." Oh boy, Tom appears to be thinking. Lynette leans forward, braces herself, and reveals that she saw the therapist's play the other night. When the therapist asks why they didn't come backstage and say hello Lynette tells her that it's because they didn't think the play was very good. More than that, they didn't think she was very good. And because she wasn't good, Lynette has lost confidence in her as a therapist.

The doctor asks Lynette if she would care to elaborate. Lynette says no, that's pretty much the sum of it. "A ha," the therapist says, observing that's this is the same problem Lynette is creating in their marriage. Lynette will criticize Tom, then fail to go into specifics. And, Lynette goes in for the kill.

"You sucked," she says. "You were really bad. Three words: Stinked, stank, stunk. Specific enough?" Tom melts into his shoes. The therapist pauses for a moment, then offers, "Good for you, Lynette!" She commends her candor and adds that the local newspaper had a different opinion. Its critic found her performance to be "incandescent."

"Oh my god, you actually believe that?" Lynette says. "Tom, this is why we can't see her anymore." The therapist asks for Tom's opinion and, after an uncomfortable pause, squeaks that the doctor was great.

Lynette explodes, calling Tom a liar, and they get into it. She accuses him of failing to man up, of liking being the good cop and, worse, liking that she's always the bad cop. He shoots back that households with a "bad cop/ bad cop" dynamic don't work, he should know, he grew up in that house. Lynette says she wishes that she could be the good guy once in a while but she can't, because whenever there's a problem he runs from it and she has to step into the void and take care of things. Newsflash, Tom: "Good cop/ good cop" doesn't work either. He looks at the doctor, who has no answer.

Tom says, "You're right." He admits that he likes to be liked, and because of that, he defers the ugly, hard stuff to her. He apologizes to Lynette. Breakthrough!

And that's not all! Tom informs the therapist that her performance was aggressively bad. "At one point during the second act, I began to choke on a mint and thought about not fighting it." The doctor looks crushed. Lynette takes Tom's hand, says thank you, admits he's right: Their doctor is a wonderful therapist. The doctor thanks them and tells them to get the hell out of her office.

Gabby and Carlos make their way a few houses down to the Bolens with a peace offering in the form of a plate of cookies. As they step up to the door, they hear Nick fighting with Danny. But as they eavesdrop a few moments longer, the realize that Nick isn't yelling at Danny. He's yelling at Angie about losing it in front of Mrs. Krinsky as well as Gabby and Carlos.

Carlos tells Gabby that they should go, but this is Gabby we're talking about -- nothing doing. They lean in for a better listen and hear Angie admit that she lost her cool. He tells her to get it back, reminding her that the rock they're hiding under isn't that big. "If people start poking around, we're done." Gabby and Carlos suddenly look like they wish they hadn't decided to be nosy.

Susan and Mike are in Susan's kitchen, discussing the unfairness of Robin's firing while the dejected ex-stripper sits beside her biggest fan, MJ. Robin says she feels awful that she got fired. MJ offers to give her a big hug, Mike tells him "calm down, tiger." Robin says she doesn't know what to do besides returning to Double D's to get her old job back, but Susan won't have that. Then she pulls Mike aside and whispers an idea: Why not let Robin, the sexy ex-stripper with a boob job and no savings, move into Julie's old room until she gets on her feet?

Mike: "You're asking if I'm OK with letting a stripper live with us. I'm gonna go with no."

"Why not?" Susan asks.

"I have no idea. I'm just really sure this is a trick question."

Susan sees it as an opportunity to really help someone. Mike crumbles. "OK, let's go make an ex-stripper and a little boy very happy."

At Bree's place, she dangles a pressed suit in front of Orson, reminding him they have an anniversary to attend. Orson apologizes, explaining he thought he'd be dead by now, so he had stopped paying attention to their social calendar. Bree doesn't care, they're going, adding that next Saturday they have brunch with their family. "Well now you're just daring me," Orson replies.

Orson is sour at the anniversary party, staying on the outskirts during the night's big toast. Bree asks him if he wants to join and he decides to pass. Defeated, she walks inside leaving him to sulk alone by the pool. The hosts address the guests and thank them all for coming. The husband makes a lovely speech about being married for 50 years and the couple begins to dance.

Bree looks on wistfully as a recording of Nat King Cole croons, and Orson wheels close to the edge of the pool. Bree sees him, running out to pull Orson back in the nick of time. He begs to know why she insists on keeping him around. She says it's because she wants a party like that years from now, celebrating their time together. She tells Orson to consider the couple celebrating their anniversary. Those two had some rough times, but they stuck it out. So can we, Bree finishes . Orson scoffs at that idea, saying those two are in love. Orson asked her if she loved him, and she couldn't even answer.

Bree answers that she loved him once. "Can I love you again? I don't know. But I would like to recapture what we once had. How can we do that if you're not here? So I'm asking you again: Please stay?"

Orson reaches out for Bree, they kiss.

We return to the evening's theme: In the everyday drama we call life, we all have parts to play.

Some are cast as the romantic leads, Mary Alice says, as we watch Danny and Ana kiss on the sidewalk.

Others end up being the victim, she says, as Robin stares out of a window.

And a few always provide comic relief, she says, as Tom stumbles while bringing Lynette something to drink on their front porch.

And then, Mary Alice says, there are those who end up playing the hero. Gabby stands on her front lawn in her robe, smiling as Ana walks in from her date. "Especially --" Gabby watches Angie greet Danny -- "if they feel there's a villain who lives just across the street."

Angie and Gabby lock stares, Gabby's suspicious and defiant, Angie's like a cornered animal.