- Owen Thoreau Jr.: That's another thing. They... they can't put it on a weekday? They got to take up prime weekend real estate?
- Terry Elliott: What do you expect? It's a school fundraiser. They got to put it on when they can get the most parents.
- Owen Thoreau Jr.: 'Cause tuition's not enough, right? They got to put their hand in your pocket every five minutes. They're like pirates or something.
- Terry Elliott: Pirates? You mean like pickpockets, right?
- Owen Thoreau Jr.: Pirate, pickpocket. What's the difference?
- Terry Elliott: Well, there's the boat.
- Joe Tranelli: [Owen shows up at his hotel] Wow. The... the ad for the escort service is really misleading.
- Joe Tranelli: [learning of his ex-wife's date] All right, lay it on me. Good-looking? Tall? Oh, that son of a bitch. He's tall, right?
- Owen Thoreau Jr.: Look, there's something I got to tell you about the guy. Um... I-I don't think you're gonna like it.
- Joe Tranelli: He's black.
- Owen Thoreau Jr.: You're a dick.