- Blair Waldorf: What if we need games? What if without them we're boring?
- Chuck Bass: We could never be boring.
- Blair Waldorf: You say that, but I know you. You're Chuck Bass.
- Chuck Bass: I'm not Chuck Bass without you.
- [first lines]
- Gossip Girl: [voice-over] Welcome back, Upper East Siders. After a long hot summer away, I see that it didn't take much time for you to dirty up the clean slates I gave you. My inbox is overflowing, so let's get to the good stuff, shall we? Spotted: Chuck Bass up to his old tricks. Poor B. I guess nothing good lasts forever.
- Chuck Bass: [introduces himself to pretty blonde] I'm Chuck... Bass.
- Ashley Hinshaw: I know.
- Chuck Bass: I wasn't expecting to see someone like you somewhere like this so early in the day.
- Ashley Hinshaw: I'm in need of refuge. It's too hot.
- Chuck Bass: Oh, it's never too hot.
- Ashley Hinshaw: [smiles] Care to test that theory?
- Chuck Bass: And what if I have a girlfriend?
- Ashley Hinshaw: [smiles] Chuck Bass doesn't *do* girlfriends. Where's your limo?
- Chuck Bass: I gave my driver the day off.
- Ashley Hinshaw: Then I guess we'll have to find someplace else.
- [smiles]
- Chuck Bass: [to Blair] Is everything okay? What's going on?
- Blair Waldorf: Nothing's going on. Why?
- Chuck Bass: This is a one stop shop and you're acting like everything's last season. I thought you wanted to play.
- Blair Waldorf: I did! I do.
- [Chuck looks at her intensely]
- Blair Waldorf: I did. The summer was great. We had a lot of fun. Maybe summer's over?
- Chuck Bass: Okay. If that's what you want.
- Blair Waldorf: Is that what you want?
- Chuck Bass: I want you to be happy, however that's achieved.
- Bree Buckley: Oh, my God, you're Nate Archibald.
- Nate Archibald: And you're Bree Buckley.
- Bree Buckley: You pulled my hair during Clinton's Inaugural Ball.
- Nate Archibald: Your redneck cousins tried to waterboard me at the East Lake on the White House lawn. It was good to see you again.
- [walks past her]
- Bree Buckley: Yeah, take care of yourself.
- Chuck Bass: [sets up Ashley Hinshaw to get caught out flirting with him] Uh-uh.
- Ashley Hinshaw: Why?
- Chuck Bass: It's better to wait.
- Ashley Hinshaw: How long?
- Chuck Bass: [sighs] Let's see...
- [Blair's ready to pounce on the unsuspecting celeb]
- Chuck Bass: Now.
- Blair Waldorf: [feigns righteous indignation] What the hell is going on?
- Chuck Bass: [acting] Blair. I can explain.
- Ashley Hinshaw: I'm, I'm sorry. I, I didn't know he had a girlfriend.
- Chuck Bass: Yes, you did.
- [to Blair:]
- Chuck Bass: She did.
- Blair Waldorf: [Ashley stammers in self-defense, but...] Shame on you, Ashley Hinshaw, how could you do that? Pick up someone in a relationship? Have you no pride? No self-respect?
- Ashley Hinshaw: Okay, but I didn't know...
- Blair Waldorf: You may have an Abercrombie campaign, and the security code to Clooney's castle at Lake Coma, but that doesn't give you the right to steal someone's man! Take your American Girl hair and your poreless skin and get out!
- Ashley Hinshaw: Okay, you're crazy!
- [sounds the retreat]
- Chuck Bass: [after she'd gone] Hey.
- Blair Waldorf: Hi.
- [chuckles, kisses him]
- Blair Waldorf: Oh, thank you. It's been three hours. I missed you.
- Chuck Bass: Let me make it up to you. Let's get out of here.
- Blair Waldorf: Or we could stay.
- [chuckles happily]
- Blair Waldorf: [they're selecting potential victims as they exit modeling agency] Chuck, none of these girls are even worth humiliating. Looking in a mirror will do that for them.
- Serena van der Woodsen: Rufus, I know I shouldn't have lied, but I was in Europe, and I had just graduated, and I got a little carried away. And what happens in summer, stays in summer, right?
- [no, obviously not]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Look, the only reason I didn't tell you is because I thought if I did you would think I'd *gone* off the rails again.
- Rufus Humphrey: Did you?
- Serena van der Woodsen: No.
- Dan Humphrey: You don't have to lie about your trip. I know what happened.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I don't know what you're talking about.
- Dan Humphrey: Serena, there was no ashram.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I went to an ashram... on a tour.
- [gives it up]
- Serena van der Woodsen: Dan, I appreciate your concern, but the little white lies that I tell my family are none of your business.
- Dan Humphrey: Rufus is my family. You didn't just lie to him. You lied to me. All those e-mails about the benefits of Bikram? Ten easy steps to colon-cleanse?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Turns out Goop is good for something.
- Dan Humphrey: What's really going on here?
- Serena van der Woodsen: Nothing. Nothing. It was just a few nights of harmless fun. That's... that's...
- Dan Humphrey: All right, all right.
- Serena van der Woodsen: ...it.
- Serena van der Woodsen: I don't know if anybody ever told you this, but the honeymoon is supposed to end. It isn't real. The real part is settling down with someone. The three-month milestone.
- Blair Waldorf: It is not a milestone. It's a gravestone. Settling down means death. Less sex, more silence. We found a way to avoid that which works for us.
- Chuck Bass: [to Nate] You're missing one key detail. Sleeping with the enemy is hot. Why do you think I had the whole Ivanka thing?
- Nate Archibald: What's going on?
- Bree Buckley: You didn't tell me that you were bringing me to a family event.
- Nate Archibald: Well... Listen, I really like you. And if you being here hapoens to piss off my grandfather, to be honest, I figured you'd like that.
- Bree Buckley: Hey, look... Normally I'd totally be on board with the piss-off-Grandpa train, but what you don't know is that... currently my family isn't speaking to me. Which is something that, unlike you, I'd like to change. Being front row at a Vanderbilt charity doesn't exactly send that message.