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- Morticia Addams: Darling, I hope our upcoming honeymoon will be as exciting as one of Cousin Itt's adventures.
- Gomez Addams: So do I, Tish. I mean, I still enjoy a good coup... Ha-ha! Or hanging ten on a tidal wave, but it's just not as exciting as being attacked by a guy with metal hair! Oh-ho! How I envy you, Itt!
- [slaps Itt on the back]
- Gomez Addams: [mock sword-fighting] Trotting across the globe and facing danger while your very life hangs in the balance!
- Morticia Addams: And the satisfaction of having your hair clog some of the world's most famous drains.
- [Itt jabbers]
- Morticia Addams: That's right. You did set a family record for the most exotic diseases caught in one month.
- Gomez Addams: And you're the first Addams since Uncle Elm to catch root rot! Whatever happened to our old Uncle, anyway?
- Morticia Addams: I believe you're leaning on him, dear.
- Gomez Addams: I am? I thought that knothole looked familiar. Chin up, Unc!
- Morticia Addams: Darling, I hope our upcoming honeymoon will be as exciting as one of Cousin Itt's adventures.
- Gomez Addams: So do I, Tish. I mean, I still enjoy a good coup... Ha-ha! Or hanging ten on a tidal wave, but it's just not as exciting as being attacked by a guy with metal hair! Oh-ho! How I envy you, Itt!
- [slaps Itt on the back]
- Gomez Addams: [mock sword-fighting] Trotting across the globe and facing danger while your very life hangs in the balance!
- Morticia Addams: And the satisfaction of having your hair clog some of the world's most famous drains.
- [Itt jabbers]
- Morticia Addams: That's right. You did set a family record for the most exotic diseases caught in one month.
- Gomez Addams: And you're the first Addams since Uncle Elm to catch root rot! Whatever happened to our old Uncle, anyway?
- Morticia Addams: I believe you're leaning on him, dear.
- Gomez Addams: I am? I thought that knothole looked familiar. Chin up, Unc!
- [Thundermane makes a pass at Morticia]
- Gomez Addams: [enraged] That's enough! She's my wife! Mine! Understand? And I want you to leave her alone!
- [roars]
- Morticia Addams: [excited] Gomez, those are savage animal noises!
- [kisses his arm]
- Morticia Addams: Make some more!
- [kisses his cheek]
- Morticia Addams: Snarl! Grrrr! Howl! Owoooo! Anything, darling, please!
- [more kisses]
- Gomez Addams: Calm yourself, Titch. I'm just getting warmed up!
- Morticia Addams: Where are you off to next, Cousin Itt?
- [Itt jabbers]
- Gomez Addams: A vacation? Why? You've got the perfect job! Glamorous parties, dangerous missions... not to mention that band of roving lumberjacks that moved into your fur last month!
- Uncle Fester: Timber!
- [falls out of Itt's fur, tied to a log]
- Uncle Fester: How dare they call themselves lumberjacks... they couldn't even cut along the dotted line!
- Morticia Addams: What line, Uncle Fester?
- Uncle Fester: This one, right here!
- [opens his coat to reveal a line marked on his bare torso]
- Uncle Fester: See you at the sawmill tonight! Whee!
- [gets carried away by Lurch]
- Morticia Addams: Dear, dear Fester! He's doing his best to follow in Uncle Elm's proud footsteps!
- Gomez Addams: [being strangled by an anaconda] Cheer up, old bean! Maybe you can find someone else to jet off and... and... Eureka! That's it!
- [throws off the anaconda]
- Morticia Addams: It must be good news if you interrupted Guido while he's squeezing the life from you.
- Gomez Addams: It is, Tish! Cousin Itt can stay home and relax, while we capture Thundermane on our honeymoon!
- [Morticia and Gomez arrive in Spain]
- Gomez Addams: Ah, Spain! España, mi país! One of my favorite countries in the world!
- [pays the cab driver]
- Gomez Addams: Here you go, señor, and keep the porcupine!
- Morticia Addams: Darling, you don't think that driver was upset because Snappy wanted to steer, do you?
- Gomez Addams: Upset? Why he slammed on the brakes and threw us out of his cab. We'll have to call his boss in the morning and thank him!
- Uncle Fester: [gets blasted by Thundermane] Oh, happy day!
- [chuckles]
- Uncle Fester: Oh, man. Whoo! I should've gotten into the spy biz a long time ago!
- Morticia Addams: Aren't these spy types thoughtful? They took time out from their mauling just to tell me goodbye.
- [a henchman starts kissing up Morticia]
- Gomez Addams: What? Beat it!
- Morticia Addams: Darling, you were acting like some kind of jealous, wild animal! I love it!
- Gomez Addams: [sighs] Thanks, Tish... I, eh, I don't know what came over me...
- Morticia Addams: Remember, dear, I don't always like it when other women look at you, but I just remind myself where your true love lies.
- Gomez Addams: Now and forever, Cara mia!
- [embraces his wife]
- Morticia Addams: Oh, Gomez, you're the only man for me.
- Wednesday Addams: [holding a stick] Mother, Father, might I strike the gong and start a family dance?
- Pugsley Addams: [tied to the gong] Yeah, let's break it down!
- Gomez Addams: Excellent idea, my little cremators!
- Uncle Fester: [holding a diper] I got it! how about Oopsie Addams' Diaper Fling?
- Uncle Fester: But Fester, you haven't built a picnic table in years!
- Uncle Fester: Oh, yeah...
- [last lines]
- Gomez Addams: Cara mia, I'd be honored if you'd join me for the Hot Patootie Cha-Cha-Cha!
- Morticia Addams: Oh, Gomez, our favourite dance!
- Gomez Addams: Lurch, the music!
- [the family cheers]
- Uncle Fester: Do your thing brother!
- Gomez Addams: Querida!
- [kisses her arm]
- Gomez Addams: Cara, cara... mach die musik fantomas nacht!
- [Thundermane has taken the Addams and the Normanmeyers hostage]
- Mr. Normanmeyer: Gotta tell ya I'm sorry, Addams, I didn't mean for this to happen!
- Gomez Addams: You didn't?
- Mr. Normanmeyer: No. I wanted your family to get trashed, not mine!
- [Itt jabbers]
- Gomez Addams: So, we're off to Spain, eh?
- Morticia Addams: On our first espionage mission!
- Gomez Addams: [excited] Tish! That's Spy Talk! Speak some more!
- Morticia Addams: Darling, spy now, interrogate later.
- [a fatigued Itt releases several items from his usually taut hair]
- Morticia Addams: So that's why you're exhausted, you've been on seven non-stop spy missions!
- Gomez Addams: [juggling three spiked balls with his feet] So? What's the problem?
- Morticia Addams: Darling, Cousin Itt needs a vacation, a chance to stop and smell the cesspool!
- Gomez Addams: Hoopla!
- [kicks the spikes balls into the air and jumps up before catching them]
- Gomez Addams: Well, I guess you would start to miss your own dungeon after a while.
- [Cousin Itt has a fit]
- Morticia Addams: Oh, darling. Cousin Itt's upset because Thundermane's escaped from jail. He'll have to cancel his vacation and leave immediately! And he looked so disappointed.
- Gomez Addams: [being crushed by an anaconda] I'd better speak to him before his bangs start to droop!
- Gomez Addams: I just don't understand it, Tish! Hidden booby-traps, life-threatening battles... and we didn't even get a scratch!
- Morticia Addams: There, there, dear. At least Snappy has gotten to see the world.
- Gomez Addams: I know. But this was our honeymoon, and I wanted to... What?
- [Henchmen are kissing up Morticia]
- Gomez Addams: Come on, Tish! This particular spy mission is over!