- Rick Springfield: I will fuck you 'til your ass bleeds, cowboy!
- Hank Moody: Thank God 'cause I don't think that's going to take very long.
- Rick Springfield: Come on! Say it, baby, say it!
- Betty: [unenthusiastically] I'm getting fucked by Rick Springfield...
- Dean Stacy Koons: Hello, Hank.
- Hank Moody: Good morning, Stacy.
- Dean Stacy Koons: The front door was open.
- Hank Moody: I can be, uh, very neighborly that way.
- Dean Stacy Koons: You never called me Stacy before. I wonder why.
- Hank Moody: I don't know. It kind of just rolled trippingly off the tongue this morning.
- Dean Stacy Koons: Oh, something must be different. Ah, that's right. You fucked my wife.
- Jill Robinson: Okay, I've been doing some thinking.
- Hank Moody: Oh, you mean some overthinking!
- Jill Robinson: You...
- Hank Moody: Yes?
- Jill Robinson: I accept you.
- Hank Moody: What?
- Jill Robinson: Haha, no, I accept you for who you are.
- Hank Moody: Oh, you accept me. Thanks, I guess.
- Jill Robinson: You're not listening, stupid!
- Hank Moody: I'm listening!
- Jill Robinson: I accept you for who you are! I don't wanna change you. I...
- [Hank dodges Jill and prepares coffee]
- Jill Robinson: I think we work well together, you know? Kid or no kid, snip or no snip, I wanna be with you. I think I spent years idolizing...
- Hank Moody: Sure you don't want some coffee?
- Jill Robinson: No. I think I was in love with the idea of love, you know?
- Hank Moody: Tea?
- Jill Robinson: No, thanks. I like what we have.
- Hank Moody: Are ya hungry?
- Jill Robinson: No. But now I know that I'm in love with you. I'm in love with *you*, Hank Moody.
- Hank Moody: [laughs uncomfortably] Aw, Jill... this... it's... what... but...
- Jill Robinson: No, don't "but" me. Don't "but" me now...
- [takes off her coat to reveal naked body, Hank drops his mug and it shatters on the floor]
- Hank Moody: Ho...
- Jill Robinson: Yeah. Or I just might...
- [turns around and shakes butt]
- Jill Robinson: ... butt you back!
- [someone knocks at the door]
- Hank Moody: FUCK!
- Dean Stacy Koons: [to Felicia] We're gonna be discussing this in therapy...
- Hank Moody: That's an excellent idea! Therapize the fuck outta this shit!
- Dean Stacy Koons: And you're coming with us, Hank.
- Hank Moody: Uh, that's an awful idea.
- Felicia Koons: That was some very intense and powerful lovemaking.
- [Hank pulls back]
- Felicia Koons: What's wrong?
- Hank Moody: Not a big fan of that term, lovemaking, making love. I prefer boning, stuffing, shtupping, banging, porking, boffing, anything. Take your pick. Just not lovemaking.
- Felicia Koons: So much for the afterglow.
- Dean Stacy Koons: Are you in love with my wife, Hank?
- Hank Moody: [pauses] That's a ridiculous question.
- Dean Stacy Koons: Well, she seems to be in love with you. Do you feel the same?
- Hank Moody: Feel the same...
- Dean Stacy Koons: Do you love her?
- [long uncomfortable pause, then Becca and Chelsea enter the apartment]
- Hank Moody: [immediately shifts attention to them] What... do we have here?
- Becca Moody: What are you doing home?
- Hank Moody: Uh, wha... school clothes? Is it a snow day?
- Chelsea Koons: What are you guys doing here?
- Dean Stacy Koons: I believe that question should be directed at you, young lady.
- Hank Moody: Copy that, motherfucker!
- Hank Moody: [to Becca] There's no excuse for my behavior. There's no defense if somebody got hurt, especially you. But I need you to know that I started out with the best of intentions. I guess I just wanted them all to see it - the thing that makes them special. I guess that's all anybody wants is to be seen, to be recognized. Then the lines get blurry and the fact that your mom and I are in such a weird place... Yeah... it's a big stinkin' mess. But I am sorry if I let you down, sweetie. I don't know how much more I'm going to be able to say "I'm sorry" before it doesn't mean anything anymore.