Southland (TV Series)

Unknown Trouble (2009)

Michael Cudlitz: Officer John Cooper

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ofcr. John Cooper : Burn squad just showed up. You heard of Warner Brothers? This is "warn a brother" - you don't lie; that's how they get you. Lying is worse than an out-of-policy shooting. You just tell it like it happened, you'll be fine - no big deal.

  Ofcr. Ben Sherman : Taking a life is a big deal to me, okay?

  Ofcr. John Cooper : What the hell did you think the gun was for, huh? Show-and-tell? Look, you'll get over it - all right, they'll send you to BSS, you'll do all that Buddhist "I love and revere all sentient beings" crap; then at o'dark-thirty, next time you're up, you will drag your weary, fried ass out of bed, you will put on your gun and your vest, and you will do it all over again. You know why? Because this is a front row seat to the greatest show on earth. Can you abuse it? Yes, sir - you can, and you will; I guarantee it. Because it is relentless, and it gets to you, and it seems like it changes nothing. But a day like today, with some interesting capers, and a few good arrests? That's good. But every once in a while, you get to take a bad guy off the streets for good... and that, my friend, is God's work. So now you wanna be a pussy and quit, you quit. You're a cop because you don't know how not to be one. If you feel that way, you're a cop. If you don't, you're not - you decide.

• Wade : [objecting to being pulled over]  Do you know who my father is?

  Ofcr. John Cooper : Why, your mother didn't tell you?

• Ofcr. John Cooper : Look sharp, act sharp, be sharp. These guys comin' out of prison - they're buff, been on drugs. You do what they teach you in the academy, you *will* die. Knucklehead wants to take your gun, so if it's you or some 300-pound naked guy on PCP, you take his ass down any way you can - you ride with me, you back your badge.

• Ofcr. John Cooper : I get this "mayhem" one time, go over to Killer King, there's this guy with a little tent over his genitals. Doc keeps, you know, signaling for me to look under there. Guy had scooped out his nuts with a spoon. He said they'd gotten him into trouble his whole life. So I took a Polaroid, right? Put the picture in my pocket. Captain shows up - know what he says? Make sure you attach the picture to the report.

  [Sherman looks at Cooper stoically, not laughing over the story] 

  Ofcr. John Cooper : What are you, Canadian?

• [Sherman reads his report book, which Cooper has signed] 

  Ofcr. John Cooper : [voiceover]  It is my opinion that despite the circle jerk of this night, Officer Ben Sherman performed his duties to the highest standard. He is, and will continue to be, a superior police officer. We will be very lucky if he serves his sworn career with the Los Angeles police.

• Officer John Cooper : Tori Spelling threw up all over his brand new patent leather Mary Janes.

• Officer John Cooper : It's like drivin' through a sewer in a glass-bottomed boat, right?

• Officer John Cooper : Where did you learn to shoot like that? Beverly Hills Gun Club?

  Officer Ben Sherman : Why don't you shut the hell up, sir.

• Officer Dewey Dudek : What's a matter with him? Why's he so quiet?

  Ofcr. John Cooper : He's Canadian.

  Officer Chickie Brown : What part of Canada are you from?

  Ofcr. Ben Sherman : Oh no- I'm not from Canada.

• Officer John Cooper : Asshole rodeo.