- Bobby is shocked to learn P.J. still talks to her exes. The gang debates the minutiae of Facebook.
- The mates discuss the merits, possibilities, risks and side-effects of Facebook (de)friending - something Andy completely rejects. Brendan ends up proving his natural courting talent outclasses any technological approach by Mike, even including Word of The Day Calendar vocabulary. Bobby wrestles with PJ's warped ideas about exes and jealousy, inspiring the boys to speculate how the couple's possible break-up might divide them too. Kenny's illusion that he can get valuable friends is shot down, even in the virtual world.—KGF Vissers
- "It seems like everyone today is part of two worlds: the real world and the virtual world."
Kenny "The Bald Weasel" Moritorri wants you to join his mob. He's friends with the Dalai Lama, and he enjoys a cat sneezing. Of course, we're talking about Facebook, with which Kenny is obsessed. To be fair though, the entire gang has accounts, except for Bobby. He just can't figure out the appeal of the social networking site, but Mike insists it is "de rigueur" these days. Stephanie is impressed with Mike's verbiage, and P.J. is even more impressed Bobby's Merriam-Webster "Word of the Day" calendar was a good gift investment. Even Andy is on it, but he was obliged to join by Meredith for family reunion purposes. P.J. is upset that Andy doesn't update his Facebook account with pictures of her niece and nephew, not even realizing she can go to his house and see the ACTUAL niece and nephew. (This is why I NEVER bugged my siblings for pictures of their kids. That's exactly what they'd say.) The sneezing cat video was provided by one of P.J.'s exes, Matt. Mike loves the concept of a guy's night out; where the guys can do anything they want. ("Poker?" "Sounds good.") Of course, no matter how cute the cat is, there's no way it can top the video of Mike in high school as the Major General in "Pirates of Penzance."
ANDY: "Free booze to the first person who provides a laptop." They're all on it.
The fact that there were only about 40 students in Mike's all-boys high school would explain how he got the lead in the musical with a whiny, off-pitch, flat singing voice. (To quote another TV show, if cats could sing...they'd hate it, too.) Thankfully, we're spared his performance in Annie (as the lead, of course) by Brando's entrance, panicking that Kenny is watching a train wreck. 1) Kenny updates his Facebook status about every 2 minutes or so and 2) they ARE watching Mike's performance, aren't they? Brando is definitely a Facebook client with over 700 friends. Being a club manager tends to get you a lot of Facebook friends of the female variety, but Mike doesn't see this as a major problem.
At the weekly poker game, the guys contemplate Facebook. Andy suddenly finds the advantages of it for a 5th grade reunion that is in the works. (Yeah, you had that flesh-crawling feeling too, huh.) But it turns out 5th grade was a great time for Andy because of his first girlfriend, Erin Radabaugh. He's regrets letting someone get away who had an Atari and a trampoline. Mike's "one that got away" had an above-ground pool. Brendan was ticked when P.J. broke up with Matt when they were freshmen in college, since he had the first PlayStation. (Now THAT hurts!) Bobby, who can't find the on-ramp of the information superhighway, is surprised that P.J. is keeping in touch with Matt, even though they only dated the one year and "you're allowed to have more than one boyfriend in college; this isn't the 40's." The boyfriend train continues with Thorn ("Thoooooorrrrnnnnn!!!"), although Bobby avoids jealousy by stating that P.J. took HIM, not Thorn, to Italy.
BOBBY: "It's fine. You can have your virtual friends. I'm quite fine with my real ones. By the way, posting a funny video does not make YOU funny." (Yeah, you know where this is going already.)
At John's Place, Mike does not need a status update from Kenny right before he goes to the bathroom and certainly DOES NOT need one after he's done.
KENNY: "My life is an open book."
BRENDAN: "Close it."
An opportunity for Mike opens up at the bar. Yes, with a woman. Yeah, I'm shocked, too. Veronica, a very attractive regular at John's Place and looks like a hotter version of Stephanie if you look closely enough, seems to be responding to Mike's version of flirting, which ironically requires a two-drink minimum in most places. However, Brendan seems to have an interest in her as well. Mike sees this as a challenge, as he can find out about Veronica through studying her Facebook status. This is a method Brendan finds a icky and lazy (in other words, just like Mike). Brando decides he can get Veronica through conventional methods. The challenge is on: man vs. machine. Of course, Brando already knows her last name, so he's up 1-0.
Bobby promotes himself to the mid-2000's and joins Facebook. After P.J. accepts him as a friend (apparently you can't accept someone as your boyfriend on this thing), Bobby pokes around in her profile (which is NOT a euphemism, sadly) and discovers that, along with having a lot of her exes as Facebook friends, she plays Word Twist with Hank. Yeah, that Hank. The one she dumped because he couldn't stand her friends. He's not happy, and she's not happy he's snooping around. He doesn't like the fact that P.J. seems to be collecting exes online like Hummel Figurines (???), and he is really not happy that she will actually be meeting one of them, Matt, for dinner this weekend. A person whose update is "contemplating his second cookie," and sending P.J. beignets and green chili (I gotta take Bobby's side on that last part).
P.J.: "Facebook is great at bringing people together...and pushing people apart."
Stephanie also seems to be taking Bobby's side here. Granted, she may be influenced by the frustration of knowing that Andy is going out to dinner with the gang from St. Aloysius (there actually is one in Chicago). However, since P.J. is certain that it's an innocent dinner and really hasn't done anything wrong, that ought to be OK. Of course, none of Stephanie's exes are still friends with her, at least not the ones whose current girlfriends told her to stay away. ("I take that as a compliment.")
Let the Mike vs. Brando competition begin! Brando is trading on his good looks and personable demeanor (not to mention saying he was a radio DJ), and he seems to clearly have round 1 in the books. However, Mike decides to take the opportunity to enter...wearing a shirt that says "Idaho. No, You-Da-Ho!" Of course, it's TOTAL coincidence that he's wearing that shirt, and Veronica is from that state. The fact that it's purple, her favorite color, is a complete coincidence as well. Brando tries a little ****-block, asking where Mike is from in Idaho. Mike proudly announces Boise, shocking even Kenny that he got an Idaho city correct. She's from Pocatello, but to Mike, a four-hour drive means they're practically neighbors. (I've sat in Chicago traffic; that's not as crazy as it sounds.)
P.J. and Bobby arrive, and Bobby is still pretending not to be jealous that P.J. is meeting Matt ("Handsome Matt," according to Kenny). P.J. queries Kenny and Brando if they're still friends with any of their exes. ("Nope." "Not really.") But even if the romance didn't work out, P.J. thinks they could still be friends with good exes. ("Nope." "Not really.") Bobby theorizes it could be women who do that, but P.J. can't wrap her head around the math. (Unfortunately, I can, which may explain why I have a lot of female friends but no girlfriend.)
BRENDAN: "There must be that one REALLY sensitive guy out there who broken up and stayed friends with thousands of women."
KENNY: "That dude's had a lot of lunches."
BRENDAN: "Oh, he's done some cat-sitting."
KENNY: "That dude's sat through a LOT of stranger's weddings."
P.J.: "Oh! This guy makes me sad." (Good Lord; I'm a sitcom character.)
Bobby demands why he is required to stay friends with his exes. P.J. turns it on him by saying that he may end up doing the same thing to her if they broke up.
BRENDAN: "That's not true. Bobby, wouldn't you stay friends with her if you broke up?"
BOBBY: "Mmmm, I don't know." (OOPS! Wrong answer!) You know you screwed up if even KENNY wouldn't have given that answer.
The next night, Mike's knowledge of Veronica clearly has him in the lead. Even Brando and Kenny think Mike's research is genius. Mike knows that she's half Blackfoot, so he's been on a spirit walk, as far as she knows. He knows that her favorite author is Sherman Alexie, and he even gets her favorite book right. She is thrilled to go to a book reading at the local library...with Brendan. Brando trading books back and forth with his mom was so sweet to her. Mike does all the work, but Brando still gets the date. (The Mike slam that follows you HAVE to see, just YouTube it.) But don't feel too bad for Mike, if the attractive woman wearing the "Two Out Rally Souvenirs" shirt ordering a Scotch on the rocks is any indication.
At the weekly poker game, sans P.J., the guys are more than happy to give Bobby crap about her non-date with Matt, as the paella is wonderful, the Jacuzzi place nearby the restaurant rents by the hour, and there's nothing like makin' love on a belly full of rice. (That was Brando, by the way.) They are enjoying life without P.J., which is her prompt to return from the date. She bites and thinks about what would happen should she and Bobby break up. Bobby calls Andy in the divorce, over P.J.'s protests...never mind. She calls Kenny, Mike decides to go with P.J., and Brando is last pick. Bobby vetoes a trade of Brando for Kenny and Mike, even though Brando rooms with P.J. However, Bobby declares all of this irrelevant, as he is now Facebook friends with 4 of his ex-girlfriends, including Suzanne, who is single, hot, works at the White House, speaks 4 languages, and is having coffee with Bobby this weekend. ("Is she the Deputy Secretary of Yowzah?") Now it's P.J.'s turn to not act jealous. But Brendan is right: Facebook makes the world a bit smaller, but is that really a good thing? Andy doesn't think so, as EVERY boy in his class thought Erin Radabaugh was their first girlfriend. Although Jerry Pasquali got to be her girlfriend at the reunion, to the surprise of her husband. Mike claims he didn't get anybody through Facebook, even though Laura clearly did research on him. Suddenly P.J. thinks it's a good idea to break up with Bobby, just to see how this whole thing shakes out. She could also try to introduce Matt to Suzanne and get them to be a couple, but Bobby doesn't think Matt is attractive enough for Suzanne. (ouch!)
"It can be a lot of fun having virtual friends, but nothing beats the real thing."
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