- The Angry Video Game Nerd: It's a humble game. It's not Mario, or Megaman, or Michael Jackson. It's just Milon.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: The first thing that bugs me is the weapon. Why bubbles? Why not a magic sword or lightning bolts or fire balls or a gun or undefined pixilized pieces of shit? Fucking anything but bubbles! What, is this game for little girls? Besides, they suck.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: That's not a cheat, that's just telling you how to play the game! The basic rules of this game needed Nintendo Power! That is some fuck!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: This is Counselor's Corner where people ask questions about how to get through the game. Why Counselor's Corner? Because you're going to need counseling after you're done with this shit!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: You don't get any continues or extra lives? You go back to the beginning of the game? That is the greatest offence in the world of gaming!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: I can't believe Hudson put their name all over this. You can find the Hudson bee, and there's letters that spell Hudson. So I guess by sneaking their name in here so much, they must have been really proud of this game, and so am I, because it killed more brain cells than I could possibly imagine!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: So here's the second boss. Looks like a giant turd that's been run over by a steamroller.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: When you let go of the D-pad, Milon stops dead in his tracks. He doesn't gain momentum the way Mario does.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: There is no thought process. You're just blasting away blocks, the same way the game is blasting away all your fucking brain cells!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: How can it be a secret if it's something you need to do in order to advance in the game?
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: This whole game is based on secrets, but there's a difference between secret and fucking impossible!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: What the Hell? I was just standing outside the castle, minding my own business when... lightning bolts started coming down. Isn't this supposed to be the safe spot? Imagine if any other game had that, if you were on the overworld or map screen, and then all of a sudden SHIT starts attacking!
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: So you need a lantern to go through the dark room. You need a fire-proof vest to get through the fire room. You've gotta go through secret walls, some of which require shrinking in size. Now I'm *really* losing my patience. This princess can go fuck herself.
- The Angry Video Game Nerd: Everything is a dead end. How did they design a game where all you have are two doors that lead to rooms that lead back to the same doors. It's a maze that has no end. So that's when you need the power, Nintendo Power! It's like you wanna know how to beat the game? Well you gotta buy our magazine, you dumb little shits!