Family Guy (TV Series)

Family Goy (2009)

Seth MacFarlane: Peter Griffin, Brian Griffin, Stewie Griffin, Glenn Quagmire, Dr. Elmer Hartman, Carter Pewterschmidt, TV Announcer, Rooster

Photos 

Quotes 

• Brian Griffin : Too many people go overboard with what they believe. Like Quagmire when he thought he was was the one getting the spinoff.

  Glen Quagmire : See ya later, bitches! Have fun with your stupid goddamn giant chicken jokes and Conway Twi - hey, why is there a moving truck outside of Cleveland's house?

• Peter Griffin : Jews are gross, Lois. It's the only religion with the word 'ew' in it.

• Max Weinstein : Becoming Jewish doesn't happen overnight. It's a process that involves spiritual education and good works.

  Peter Griffin : So, what you're saying is that it happens overnight?

• Peter Griffin : Leave it to a Jew to take all the fun out of being a Jew.

• Meg Griffin : Mom, is sodomy illegal if you're Jewish?

  Lois Griffin : I hope so, Meg. I really do.

  Peter Griffin : [Peter looks at Lois, squinting his eyes]  It's not, Lois. It's not.

• Lois Griffin : So, Jesus, which religion should we choose?

  Jesus : Ah, six of one, they're all complete crap.

  Brian Griffin : [Off-camera]  Thank you!

• Stewie Griffin : [Upon entering the synagogue]  Look at all these short, hairy men. I feel like I'm on the forest moon of Endor.

• Peter Griffin : Lois, this family believes in the Easter bunny. He died for our sins in that helicopter crash.

• Peter Griffin : Lois, what you're doing is wrong. I want you to get all this Jew food off the table.

  Lois Griffin : I most certainly will not!

  Peter Griffin : It's me or your religion, I'm a Catholic and I want to live in a Catholic house!

  Lois Griffin : Well, I'm a Jew and I want to live in a *nicer* house!

• Lois Griffin : [during foreplay, Lois has discovered a lump on her breast]  Peter, we're not having sex. I just told you I have a lump.

  Peter Griffin : I have a lump, too, and mine's easier to get rid of.

• Lois Griffin : [checking the mail, she jumps when the mailbox explodes]  AHH! What the hell?

  [seeing Peter up in the house with a sniper rifle] 

  Lois Griffin : Are you out of your fucking mind?

  Peter Griffin : Relax, Lois. I was aiming for the mailbox. I'm just trying to make a point.

  Mort Goldman : [approaching]  Good morning, Lois.

  [Peter fires another shot, which misses] 

  Mort Goldman : [ducking]  Ahh!

  Lois Griffin : Peter, for god's sake! I am so sorry, Mort.

  Mort Goldman : No problem, Lois. That's just how people say hello to me.

  [another fired shot whizzes past, and Mort ducks again] 

  Mort Goldman : Hey, Joe!

  Joe Swanson : [off-screen]  Hey, Mort!

• Lois Griffin : [a Cutaway featuring Peter's "Parker Lewis Can't Lose" phase]  Peter, you ready for dinner?

  Peter Griffin : [dressed as Parker Lewis]  Oh, that's just like the Parker Lewis episode when Parker Lewis ate dinner.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, nobody cares about your cancelled show.

  Peter Griffin : Lois, Parker Lewis can't lose. Don't even *try* and make him lose 'cause it's just going to be that much more embarrassing for you when you realize that he can't lose.

  Chris Griffin : Would he win in a fight with Batman?

  Peter Griffin : Well, Chris, think about what you're saying; Parker Lewis *Can't lose*. Heretofore, Batman can suck on that.

  Chris Griffin : Suck on that? Suck on this; Tic-Tacs only have one and a half calories!

  Peter Griffin : Well Played.

  Chris Griffin : I love you, Dad.

  Peter Griffin : I love you too, son.

  [They Hug]