- Dr. Wilson: [to Chase] The main reason my third wife and I eloped was to avoid House's bachelor party...
- [pauses]
- Dr. Wilson: Have you seen Caligula?
- Thirteen: If I get drunk enough, there's a chance I might make out with one of the strippers - or become one.
- Dr. Gregory House, Dr. Amber Volakis: Sold!
- Dr. Lisa Cuddy: [on why Wilson is not answering his phone] Must've left it in his pants which he wasn't wearing when the police found him trying to walk home, oddly from his own apartment.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [to Thirteen] So you're okay with House getting Chase smashed enough to make a stupid mistake?
- Thirteen: Being drunk doesn't change who you are, it just reveals it.
- Dr. Robert Chase: Cameron is not going to be happy about this party.
- Dr. Gregory House: But you on the other hand...
- Dr. Robert Chase: Plan on spending the rest of my life with Cameron.
- Dr. Gregory House: So... I need the cancel the Fart Band?
- Dr. Robert Chase: So I need you to kidnap me.
- Dr. Gregory House: Spoken like a true Aussie.
- Immigration Officer #2: [to Cameron] I'm sorry, ma'am. Illegals only.
- Dr. Robert Chase: [as the officers are taking him away] I'm... I'm sure it's a mistake. I'll call you as soon as I know what's going on.
- Dr. Allison Cameron: [quietly to Foreman] Don't let House get him into too much trouble.
- Dr. Wilson: Uh, I'm not going to the bachelor party. Everytime I go to one of your parties, I end up embarrassing myself in some new and unexpected way.
- Dr. Gregory House: The thing with the duck was hardly unexpected.
- Dr. Wilson: House!
- Dr. Gregory House: Knew you couldn't stay away.
- Dr. Wilson: This is my apartment! You can't do this.
- Dr. Gregory House: Clearly, reality begs to differ.
- Dr. Gregory House: [trying to talk Chase into a depraved bachelor party] You are going to commit to that one special woman forever which is beautiful, but if your commitment the day after the wedding is the same as your commitment the day before, then the wedding meant nothing. So - and I see no logical way around this - if you want your marriage to matter, you have to be a wanton, trolling, muck-covered pig the day before.
- Dr. Robert Chase: You're evil. See ya.
- Dr. Gregory House: I knew about her body butter and about his strawberry allergy. I tried to kill Chase. Why would I do that? I don't want Cameron.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: You're not a big fan of other people's happiness.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: [to House] Aren't you curious about why I'm here?
- Dr. Gregory House: Curious why no French maid's outfit. No spanky pants.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: I'm a hallucination, not a fantasy.
- Dr. Amber Volakis: You're going to ignore your own subconscious? Gonna be the limp leading the blind.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Chase] Is he telling you to avoid the party?
- Dr. Wilson: I took an oath to do no harm.
- Dr. Gregory House: [to Thirteen] You're not on the guest list. Bachelor parties are an ancient sacred male rite of passage.
- Dr. Eric Foreman: [while watching an exotic dancer] Think she can do the broken cowboy?
- Thirteen: God, I hope so.