Let's begin with the opening credits: each title stays on screen for about 45 seconds each: the title itself, the production credits, which consist of only the name Justin French repeated several times, then a lengthy shot of a burning candle, which goes on for two-and-a-half minutes! then a lengthy shot of someone playing with a dripping faucet and water running down the drain, then chocolate syrup spiraling down the drain, which must go on for nearly ten minutes.
And there is no less than two hours of this spellbinding masterwork.
The director/ writer/ producer/ cinematographer/ editor/ composer of this two hour sleeping pill (who was supposedly only 19 years old when he came up with this one) claims that he had something to say about how very lousy movies can be filmed and distributed, often times on a minuscule budget, and that by doing so does not necessarily make one a "film maker", and that just simply moving to L.A. and releasing something also does not mean that one is a "film maker". But any point he might have had is drowned out in these two hours of LENGTHY shots of, well, basically nothing. The movie is basically about a half dozen lengthy (silent) shots of absolutely nothing happening, besides a candle flickering endlessly, water boiling in its entirety, a hand playing with a dripping faucet, etc., filmed through the deepest red filter on the face of the earth and stretched out as long as possible, and then shown even longer for maximum torturous effect. During the "boiling water" sequence, what sounds like an electric razor is dubbed in loudly in the background, the rest of the soundtrack is pre-recorded noises, which sounds like a five-year-old child playing around on a keyboard bought at a flea market in 1981.
In the last sequence, a "Mass Murderer" with a butcher knife, wearing a Freddy Kruger-like striped shirt stabs at the air and at some off-screen object in slow motion endlessly, before we are shown the exact same scant production credits in the exact same slow-as-can-be manner as we had at the start. This "Mass Murderer" (who, not that this matters, is never actually shown killing anyone) hides his face behind a black stocking, and for good reason.
Like some sort of experimental film Andy Warhol might have done back in the 1960s, only much, MUCH worse. It actually did remind me of Warhol's 'Empire' (the eight hour film consisting of a motionless shot of the Empire State building) in that it shows endless shots of nothing happening, with no real point to any of it.
This can legally be viewed for free on at least two movie download sites. Go ahead, watch it. Or try to anyway. Then the next time someone starts rambling about Ben And Arthur, and it's the lowest rated film on IMDb (like that really makes any difference one way or the other) tell them about this monstrosity.
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