The Angry Video Game Nerd (TV Series)

Friday the 13th (2006)

James Rolfe: The Angry Nintendo Nerd

Photos 

Quotes 

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : You're dead. Your Friends are dead. Your fucking pets are being skinned alive. Your mom's a fucking whore. The whole world hates you. You're going to hell. Live with it. Game over.

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : I'd rather play Doom on Atari. I'd rather play Halo on a Tiger electronic wrist game. I'd rather drown in diarrhea. I'd rather fucking eat my fucking balls off and puke' em up my fucking ass. I'd rather piss a cactus out of my dick. The music is fucking worse than life itself, and I'd turn the volume down, except for the fact that I have to hear the Jason alarm. It's all just a test of patience and it can kiss my fucking asshole!

  [Whacks Jason with controller] 

  The Angry Nintendo Nerd : Die! You piece of shit!

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : Well...Friday the 13th on Nintendo. What can you say? The knife going in the eye at the beginning right away should be an indication of how... cool it is. This game is infamous for being... great, right? Everybody loves this game, 'cause it's awesome! I mean the concept is just brilliant! Adapting a series of R-rated slasher movies for all the kiddies to play? Great idea.

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : I love it. It's just great...

  [looks left, right, and looks forward with an angry face] 

  The Angry Nintendo Nerd : Like puke up a donkey's ass! What a shitload of motherfucking bullfuck! I'd rather eat snot and diarrhea vomited out of a buffalo's dick and if you thought I was serious about this

  [is suddenly grabbed by Jason from behind the couch; panicking] 

  The Angry Nintendo Nerd : then you are absolutely right! I was just kidding! I swear to god I was just kidding! I was just kidding! It's not a shitload of fuck! It's NOT a shitload of fuck!

  [Jason goes back behind the couch] 

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : [Jason Voorhees is holding a knife to him]  Don't kill me.

  [Jason hold's up a copy of "Friday the 13th" for Nintendo] 

  The Angry Nintendo Nerd : Kill me.

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : You're easier to beat in real life than you are in that fucking game, you no good, piece of...

  [blows Jason's head off] 

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : Oh fuck! Look at the map! I've just been walking in the wrong fucking direction. What a wonderful game! The bare basics of left and right do not apply. And that is why this game is so great, because it's free from all logic! Logic is for pussies!

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : Wasn't this a great idea? Isn't this fun? Going 3D for the cabin parts! I love how smooth the camera angles are! The overall design, the AstroTurf floors... Just genius! The control's so fluid, you might have to tap the D pad twice to get it to move. Isn't this fun? I just love trying to find the door, ''cause there's nothing in here, and now I just want to get the fuck out. Just want to get the fuck out.

  [whispers] 

  The Angry Nintendo Nerd : Get the fuck out.

  [looks left and right and behind the couch] 

  The Angry Nintendo Nerd : [whispers]  ...Because it sucks!

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : Even Jason's mom makes an appearance, and you know who she reminds me of? Those annoying fucking Medusas from Simon's Quest. Oh wait, I'm talking about Castlevania III. What, I hate that game too?

• The Angry Nintendo Nerd : This game... is fuckin', horrible!

  [Throws the game against a wall, then drinks a lot of Rolling Rock to calm him down. Later, the Nerd is asleep on the couch, with a bottle of tequila and a few empty bottles of beer. Freddy Krueger's clawed glove, accompanied by the A Nightmare on Elm Street theme music, comes up from behind the couch just as the Nerd wakes up and notices it. A caption reads, to be continued... then the credits roll] 

• The Angry Video Game Nerd : [looks at Jason screaming]  Please don't kill me!

  Jason Voorhees : [shows him the NES "Friday the 13th" game] 

  The Angry Video Game Nerd : [shakes his head side to side slowly]  kill me

  [describing how bad the game is]