- Flint Paper: [discovering Sam and Max are zombies] Aw, no! Not you guys, too! Hate to do this, fellas, but Sam and Max always said they'd rather *die* than become one of those... things.
- Sam: I don't remember ever saying that. Did you, Max?
- Max: Nah, I'm pretty sure he was making that part up.
- Sam: When they put a stone slab over your corpse, you know they *really* don't want you coming back!
- Sam: We'd like to waste time by ordering stuff you don't have.
- Stinky: Knock yourselves out.
- Sam: Crab and salamander enchiladas in green sauce.
- Stinky: [yelling to the kitchen door] Sal, I want Lou Dobbs and Greta Van Sustern doing double-dutch on the back of a rogue elephant!
- Sam: Tuna noodle casserole with onion rings.
- Stinky: [yelling] Get me one Rudy Giuliani with no pants and sequined garters! And a tuna noodle casserole with onion rings!
- Sam: Seared grouper in a maple syrup reduction, with bacon-wrapped dates and toffee chips, served on a bed of Venezuelan newspaper clippings.
- Stinky: [yelling] Sal, number 3!
- Sam: Chicken chow mein with chocolate covered raisins and a caramel swirl.
- Stinky: Sal, get me a hyperactive spider monkey in a powder-blue cardigan. And why don't we go ahead and wrestle him to the ground and tickle him until he pees.
- Max: I have got to see what goes on in this kitchen!