Doctor Who (TV Series)

The Unicorn and the Wasp (2008)

David Tennant: The Doctor

Photos 

Quotes 

• [the Doctor makes muffled noises while making a shaking motion] 

  Donna Noble : I can't understand you! How many words?

  [the Doctor holds up one finger] 

  Donna Noble : One! One word! Shake, milk-shake, milk! Milk! No? Not milk! Um, shake, shake, shake! Cocktail shake! What, d'you want a Harvey Wallbanger?

  The Doctor : Harvey Wallbanger?

  Donna Noble : Well, I don't know!

  The Doctor : How is Harvey Wallbanger one word?

  Agatha Christie : What do you need Doctor?

  The Doctor : Salt! I was miming salt! I need salt! I need something salty!

  [Donna grabs a bag from the counter] 

  Donna Noble : What about this?

  The Doctor : What is it?

  Donna Noble : Salt!

  The Doctor : That's too salty!

  Donna Noble : Oh, that's too salty!

  Agatha Christie : What about this?

  [Agatha hands the Doctor a jar and he upends it, eating the food] 

  Donna Noble : What's that?

  Agatha Christie : Anchovies.

• Donna Noble : [to the Doctor]  What is it? What else?

  [the Doctor jolts his hands out, miming a shock] 

  Donna Noble : Um, it's a song! 'Mammy'? Um, I don't know! 'Camptown Races'?

  The Doctor : 'Camptown Races'?

  Donna Noble : Well! All right, then! 'Towering Inferno'!

  The Doctor : It's a shock! Look, shock!

  [he mimes again] 

  The Doctor : I need a shock!

  Donna Noble : Right, then. Big shock. Coming up.

  [Donna grabs the Doctor and plants a full-frontal kiss on him. The Doctor staggers away, lifts his face up to the ceiling and releases a cloud of poisons from his body] 

  The Doctor : [gasps]  Detox. Oh! I must do that more often.

  [looks at Donna apprehensively] 

  The Doctor : I mean, the, the detox.

  Agatha Christie : Doctor. You are... impossible!

  [the Doctor winks] 

  Agatha Christie : Who are you?

• Donna Noble : [mimicking the Doctor]  'The plucky young woman who helps me out'?

  The Doctor : No policewomen in 1926.

  Donna Noble : I'll pluck you in a minute!

• Donna Noble : Yeah but think about it. There's a murder, a mystery, and Agatha Christie.

  The Doctor : So? Happens to me all the time.

  Donna Noble : No, but isn't that a bit weird? Agatha Christie didn't walk around surrounded by murders, not really. I mean that's like meeting Charles Dickens, and he's surrounded by ghosts, at Christmas.

  The Doctor : Well...

  Donna Noble : Oh come on! It's not like we could drive across country and find Enid Blyton having tea with Noddy. Could we? Noddy's not real. Is he? Tell me there's no Noddy!

  The Doctor : [leans in close to her]  There's no Noddy.

• Agatha Christie : [referring to the Doctor]  Detective, you missed a very big clue.

  The Doctor : What? That bit of paper you nicked out of the fire?

  Agatha Christie : You were looking the other way!

  The Doctor : Yeah, but I saw your reflection in the glass of the bookcase.

  Agatha Christie : [smiling]  You crafty man!

• Donna Noble : Next thing you know, you're gonna be telling me it's like 'Murder on the Orient Express', and they all did it.

  Agatha Christie : 'Murder on the Orient Express'?

  Donna Noble : Oh, yeah. One of your best.

  The Doctor : But not yet.

  Agatha Christie : Marvelous idea, though.

  Donna Noble : Yeah. Tell you what. Copyright: Donna Noble. Okay?

  The Doctor : Anyway...

• The Doctor : Agatha Christie! I was just talking about you the other day! I said 'I bet she's brilliant!' I'm the Doctor, this is Donna. Oh, I love your stuff! What a mind! You fool me every time! Well... almost every time. Well... once or twice... Well... once. But it was a good once!

• The Doctor : Yeah, I remember... I was deep in the Ardennes, trying to find Charlemagne. He had been kidnapped by an insane computer.

  Agatha Christie : Charlemagne lived centuries ago!

  The Doctor : I've got a very good memory.

• The Doctor : A giant wasp! Well, there are tons of emorphorous insectivorous lifeforms, but none in this galactic sector.

  Agatha Christie : I think I understood some of those words... enough to know that you're completely potty!

• The Doctor : Turns out we are in the middle of a murder mystery. One of yours, Dame Agatha.

  Agatha Christie : Dame?

  The Doctor : Oh. Sorry, not yet.

• [the Doctor grabs the ginger beer from the shelf, drinks some of it, and pours the rest over his head] 

  Agatha Christie : I'm an expert in poisons! Doctor! There's no cure! It's fatal!

  [the Doctor spits out the ginger beer] 

  The Doctor : Not for me! I can stimulate the inhibited enzymes into reversal! Protein! I need protein!

  [the Doctor breathes heavily while Donna runs to the counter] 

  Donna Noble : Walnuts!

  The Doctor : Brilliant!

  [the Doctor upends the walnut jar and chews furiously] 

• Roger Curbishley : Some of these young boys deserve a decent thrashing.

  Davenport : Couldn't agree more, sir.

  [Roger clears his throat] 

  Donna Noble : Typical. All the decent men are on the other bus.

  The Doctor : Or Time Lords.

• The Doctor : [chasing after the giant wasp]  Don't let it get away! Quick! Before it reverts back to human form! Where are you? Come on! There's nowhere to run! Show yourself!

  [Lady Clemency Eddison, Reverend Golightly, Colonel Hugh Curbishley, Robina Redmond, and Roger Curbishly simultaneously open the doors of their rooms and stare at the Doctor] 

  The Doctor : [pause]  Oh...

  [Davenport sticks his head tentatively out of Roger Curbishly's room] 

  The Doctor : That's just cheating!

• The Doctor : She'd just discovered that her husband was having an affair.

  Donna Noble : You'd never think to look at her, smiling away.

  The Doctor : Well, she was British and moneyed. They carry on, except for this one time. Nobody know what happened. She just vanished.

  [Flashes back with a series of newspaper headlines about Agatha Christie's disappearance. The scenes shown are overlayed by a narration from the Doctor] 

  The Doctor : Her car will be found tomorrow morning by the side of a lake. Ten days later, Agatha Chrstie turns up in a hotel in Harrogate. She said she lost her memory. She never spoke about her disappearance until the day she died. Or whatever it was...

  Donna Noble : It's about to happen.

  The Doctor : Right here, right now.

  Miss Chandrakala : [rushes straight from the library]  Professor! The library! Murder! MURDER!

  [the Doctor and Donna rush into the library and look at the body] 

  The Doctor : Blunt instrument. Watch broke as fell, time of death was at a quarter past four.

  Donna Noble : Lead pipe. Only Hercule Poirot, but I reckon that's blunt enough.

• Agatha Christie : Can we return to sanity? There are no such things as giant wasps!

  The Doctor : Exactly! So the question is: what's it doing here?

• The Doctor : No. Something's inhibiting my enzymes.

  [convulses] 

  The Doctor : Gah! I've been poisoned!

  Donna Noble : What do we do? What do we do?

  Agatha Christie : [smells the Doctor's drink]  Bitter almonds. It's cyanide! Sparkling cyanide!

• Agatha Christie : You make a rather unusual couple.

  The Doctor : [together]  Oh, no no no no, we're not married.

  Donna Noble : [together]  Yeah, we're not a couple.

  Agatha Christie : Well, obviously not. No wedding ring.

  [Donna and the Doctor exchange admiring glances] 

  The Doctor : Oh, oh! You don't miss a trick.

• The Doctor : [knocks on the TARDIS door]  We'll be late for cocktails!

  [TARDIS door opens, Donna steps out, wearing 1920s dress] 

  Donna Noble : What d'you think? Flapper? Or slapper?

  The Doctor : [smiles]  Flapper. You look lovely.

• [the Doctor runs to the kitchen. Agatha and Donna follow] 

  The Doctor : [grabs Davenport]  Ginger beer!

  Davenport : I beg your pardon?

  The Doctor : I need ginger beer!

  Mrs. Hart : The gentleman's gone mad!

• The Doctor : [grabs a newspaper]  The date on this newspaper.

  Donna Noble : What about it?

  The Doctor : It's the day that Agatha Christie disappeared.

• Donna Noble : There is a giant wasp!

  The Doctor : What do you mean a giant wasp?

  Donna Noble : I mean a wasp, that's giant!

  Agatha Christie : It's only a silly little insect.

  Donna Noble : When I say giant, I don't mean big, I mean flipping enormous! Look at its sting.

• The Doctor : Lady Eddison!

  Lady Clemency Eddison : Forgive me, but, who exactly might you be? And, what are you doing here?

  The Doctor : I'm the Doctor. And this is Miss Donna Noble, of the, Chiswick Nobles.

  Donna Noble : Good afternoon, my lady. Topping day, what. Spiffing. Top-hole.

  The Doctor : No no no no no no no. Don't do that. Don't.

  [holds up his psychic paper] 

  The Doctor : We were thrilled to receive your invitation! We met at the Ambassadors' reception.

• Donna Noble : Never mind Planet Zog. A party in the 1920s! That's more like it!

  The Doctor : Trouble is, we haven't been invited. Oh, I forgot!

  [pulls out the psychic paper] 

  The Doctor : Yes we have!

• The Doctor : Ah! Smell that air! Grass and lemonade! And a little bit of mint. Just a hint of mint. Must be the 1920s.

  Donna Noble : You can tell what year it is just by smelling?

  The Doctor : Oh, yeah.

  Donna Noble : Or, maybe, that big vintage car coming up the drive gave it away.

• Agatha Christie : Death comes as the end and justice is served.

  The Doctor : 'Murder at the Vicar's Rage'.

  [pause] 

  The Doctor : Needs a bit of work.