Conan O'Brien: Self - Host

Quotes 

• Himself - Host : We have been doing the shows differently, and uh, because we do not have our writers right now, and uh, despite that, we're screwing around, we're trying different things, and I think things are going pretty well. And the NBC promo department, the promotion department here at our great network, is doing all they can to get the message out that Jay and Conan are back, y'know. They've been trying to get some ads out there, I appreciate that, because if you're a regular viewer of our show, you know I've had problems with the NBC promo department in the past. We didn't always get along, I sometimes questioned their judgment, I questioned the way they represented our show to the world. Uh, just to familiarize you, this is a typical example, this is real, I didn't make this up, a typical example of how the NBC promo department used to promote my show, take a look.

  [clip of commercial with narrator: "Jay's all new, all this week, with George Clooney, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Cameron Diaz, Hillary Swank, and Matthew McConaughey! And Conan's got ducks!"] 

  Himself - Host : ... And Conan's got ducks. "What do we do?" "I don't know! Say he's got ducks!" So I used to squabble with them all the time, you know, we've got a nice show here, we've got some good stuff going on, come on! So, uh, you know, we finally, we finally worked things out, and I thought we had put all that behind us. And in the current situation, I believe that everyone at NBC is doing their best to promote the show. Anyway, this morning, okay, I'm getting dressed. Yeah. And, uh... putting on my leather body suit.

  [audience members "Woo!"] 

  Himself - Host : ... Right. Anyway- it zips up the side. There are cut-outs on the ass. Uh... you don't need to know all this. The point is, I was getting dressed, I'm watching The Today Show, and I see this promo for myself and Jay Leno, okay? And, uh, it's an improvement over the way things used to be, but still, I was a little less than pleased. Again, this is real. Take a look.

  [clip of commercial with narrator: "Tonight, Jay's all new, and Ross the intern manages to uncover some goodies at the Golden Globes. Then, Conan's all new with a new-found intensity. Tonight on NBC."] 

  Himself - Host : What? "A new-found intensity"? What are they talking about? First of all, doesn't that sound like that's all they could- they spent nine hours and THAT'S what they came up with? "What do we- I don't know, he's taller than you'd think. His smell isn't unpleasant." "No, no!" "A new-found intensity?" "Just do it!"