- Karen Pelly: The file cabinet is jammed again. You know the drawer glides shut nice and gentle, but you always close it like you're King Kong or Godzilla.
- Davis Quinton: No, I don't. If I was King Kong, I'd just shake it and throw it out the window. Or if I was Godzilla, I'd just burn it or hit it with my tail.
- Hank Yarbo: [in his truck] Eat at the Ruby!
- Lacey Burrows: [behind him in her car] Hank is not my fault!
- [Oscar parks the school bus he is driving]
- Oscar Leroy: All right, let's have it!
- Main Student: Have what?
- Oscar Leroy: The booze!
- Second Student: What's booze?
- Main Student: The stuff they warned us about in church group.
- Oscar Leroy: Oh, don't give me the old church mouse and bookworm routine! I've seen them all before.
- Main Student: Honest, Mr. Leroy, we don't have any liquor or anything bad.
- Oscar Leroy: [grabbing a book] Fine. Then I'll just take this.
- Main Student: That's my homework.
- Oscar Leroy: Then do it at home! No reading on the bus!
- Second Student: God loves you.
- Oscar Leroy: Damn right he does!
- Emma Leroy: [Emma gives Brent a casserole to thank him for bringing Wanda over to work in Emma's garden] Here it is! Still warm...
- Brent LeRoy: Mmmmm, four cheese lasagna!
- Emma Leroy: Actually it's five.
- Brent LeRoy: Holy crud - you didn't just use one of the cheeses twice, did you?
- Emma Leroy: No - five different cheeses.
- [with Davis being seen as weak, Karen starts doing police work on her own, but tries to keep this from him to spare his feelings]
- Karen Pelly: [on the phone] DRPD. I'll be right there!
- Davis Quinton: You'll be right where? Where will you be?
- Karen Pelly: Oh, just taking care of some, uh... you know, personal stuff! With... my cousin. Who's in town for some... family things. And, uh... where's the riot gear?
- Bus Driver: When you stop the bus, you deploy the stop sign on the side. That keeps people from passing the bus while students are getting on or off.
- Oscar Leroy: I won't let those punks get away with anything. Not on my watch!
- Bus Driver: The kids are pretty well behaved.
- Oscar Leroy: Kids are animals! They need discipline! Otherwise it's anarchy, like Lord of the Rings!
- Bus Driver: You mean Lord of the Flies?
- Oscar Leroy: You bet I do.
- [Wanda, who has drunk too much Haywire, an energy-boosting drink, is working in Emma's garden]
- Brent LeRoy: [in his car] Yo, Zippy, time to get back to your job.
- Wanda Dollard: [babbling] It's a nice day for it. I like working outside. The sun is shining and the birds are singing and the sky is bleeding and the grass is screaming. I want to stay here.
- Brent LeRoy: Okay, well, I guess I'll just go back to Corner Gas... you know, the place that's full of Haywire.
- Wanda Dollard: [suddenly sitting in his front passenger seat] This is nice in here. You spilled some toothpicks, 234. I counted them. Let's go. Come on!
- Oscar Leroy: [reading a book] This title is misleading. Are they going to kill a mockingbird or not?
- Hank Yarbo: Please Lacey, make me an offer, I'll take anything you got, anything.
- Lacey Burrows: Okay, I'll give you $20.
- Hank Yarbo: What? That's insulting, that's a slap in the face!
- Lacey Burrows: No, it isn't. I could give you an ACTUAL slap in the face and show you the difference.
- Hank Yarbo: Twenty's good.
- Lacey Burrows: Okay, I give up. I can't chase you around all day. I wanna get back to the Ruby and get something to eat.
- Hank Yarbo: There's the power of advertising right there! I mean, you can sell any kind of crap with a well-placed ad.
- Announcer: [voiceover] Season 4 of Corner Gas now available on DVD!
- Hank Yarbo: Hey Wanda, you should advertise on my Hankboard!
- Wanda Dollard: Advertise what?
- Hank Yarbo: How should I care, just... is your eye twitching?
- Wanda Dollard: No!
- Brent LeRoy: Yeah! It is! That's 'cause you're loaded on Haywire. You're all zipped up on the "H"!
- Wanda Dollard: [manic] It's got nothing to do with this crap! I just... haven't been getting enough zinc lately! Just need to eat some more broccoli. Few more pumpkin seeds... Quit gawking at me!
- [Hank has attached a billboard to the back of his pickup truck]
- Lacey Burrows: What is that, a sail?
- Hank Yarbo: No. But that is a good idea...