- An anxious man who is trying to figure out his disorder enlists into an organization called Shapeshifters Anonymous without realizing that Santa Clauses are after him.
- 'Twas the night before Christmas', and a man who suspects that he's a werewolf seeks out others of his kind at Shapeshifters Anonymous and tries to find out if there's a cure for his condition. Unfortunately, Kris Kringle is sworn to wipe out all werecreatures, and he and his army of helpers pay SA a visit.—Gislef
- The Creep goes out to the window and looks at the full moon shining down on the snow, on Christmas Eve. He sits down and transforms into a werewolf, and smiles.
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Robert Weston goes to a church, St. Argento where a "SA" group is meeting. When the man at the door, Scot Howard, says that it's a private meeting and invitation-only, Robert confirms that it's SA and gives the password. It's last week's password, but Robert explains that he brought cookies and doughnuts. Scott takes them and tells Robert to beat it, and Robert says that he's a local serial killer, the Naperville Ripper, and SA might be the only ones that know what is really going on.
The other SA members hear Robert talking, and tell Scott to lighten up and let Robert in. Scott does, and Robert sees the four other members in the church basement. One of them, Irena Reid, greets Robert to Shapeshifters Anonymous. Irena says that she's the chapter president, takes the box of treats. She eats one of the Santa cookies, and members Phyllis and Andy go over to get some treats.
Irena tells Robert that the founders thought that 'Shapeshifters Anonymous' made the best name for the group, and Robert introduces himself. He explains that he's been having a hard time recently and doesn't know where else to turn, and Irena tells him to start at the beginning. Robert explains that about three months ago, he started finding strange things in his stool: teeth and fabric.
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Robert goes to the doctor's office to give him a stool sample. An old man, a mall Santa, stares at Robert. Robert meets with the doctor, who says that the problem has been intermittent over the last three months. The doctor does a rectal exam and asks if Robert ever drinks too much, Robert says that he doesn't, but occasionally he sleepwalks.
The doctor finds a coat button, a zipper, and 63 centers in change He removes them and Robert says that he didn't eat those things. Figuring that it isn't serious, the doctor prescribes him a mild sleep aid. He sends Robert to a psychiatrist.
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Irena notes that the Ripper has been very busy in the last few weeks. She's surprised that Robert didn't go to the cops, and Robert insists that he's not a murderer. Irena starts the meeting and introduces Robert to the others.
Robert admits that he's doesn't believe in werewolves, and Irena is impressed that Robert changes into a wolf. She explains that she's a werecheetah, and Robert figures the whole thing is ludicrous and starts to go. Irena tells him that he belongs with other shapeshifters, sits him down, and tells him to continue. Robert explains how he found the grip, and Irena assures him that everyone he killed was a bad person. She says that Robert made the world a slightly better place, and shapeshifters usually choose the wicked over the good because they find evil tastier.
Robert is relieved, and Irena introduces the others. Scott is a weretortoise, but he doesn't eat people. Phyllis is Phyllis Allenbee, a hippo furry who they let hang out with them because they feel sorry for her. Andy McDermott is a wereboar, and wonders when he and Irena are going to get together for sex. Irena isn't interested, and Andy tells Robert that the last man, Ryan. He doesn't talk but comes to every meeting, They don't know what Ryan changes into.
Andy confirms that Robert assumes he's a werewolf, and everyone laughs because everyone assumes they're a werewolf because they can't remember what they changed into. When Robert asks how they know what they are, Andy says that he filmed it on his phone. Phyllis and Andy argue about whether she's a therianrope or not, until Irena breaks them up.
Robert asks if there's any way he can find out what he is, and the members show him a box full of testing equipment. Irena strokes his palm with catnip, but Robert doesn't feel anything. She can't put down the catnip, and Andy finally takes it from her and puts it back in the box. Andy tries wolfsbane, and it sparks when Robert touches it. They realize that Robert is a werewolf, and they've never had one. Robert remembers an encounter with his gypsy neighbor.
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Robert is returning to his apartment, and a mall Santa passing by glares at him. His elderly gypsy neighbor curses Robert for being too loud, but Robert doesn't care. Robert watches the TV news about the recent spate of murders, and notices wolf's hair on his carpet
Dozing off, Robert wakes up the next morning naked. The medical center calls to have him come back for further testing, and Robert finds teeth marks on his arm. He throws up the gypsy's necklace in the sink.
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Andy tells Robert that lycanthropy is easy to cure, and points out to the others that eating people weighs heavily on Robert's conscience. Robert asks Irena if she feels guilty, because she also turns into a carnivore, and Irena says that she doesn't because it's in their nature and she eats people who piss her off.
Scott tells Robert to have the gypsy take the curse off of him. Robert points out that he ate her and her dog, and peed on her ashes to mark his territory. Andy tells Robert that he'll get used to being a werewolf, and Irena says that it's time to start the wedding. She has everyone join hands and recite the SA credo. They agree to abide by the rules of ethic set forth by SA, and do their best to use their abilities for the good of men and therianropes.
Irena has them promise to avoid Kris Kringle, the dreaded Santa Claus, and his many evil helpers. Robert asks what that means, and Scott tells him that Kringle kills shapeshifters. Scott says that man used to live with therianropes in harmony. He shows Robert the Book of Bob, and says that werewolves were edited out of the Bible. Scott explains that Bob was blessed by God with lycanthropy, to eat evil. Bob became prideful and that angered God, and God gave Bob's enemy Kringle a suit of impenetrable armor, and blessed reindeer to fly Kringle's "warship of destruction".
Bob and Kringle fought, and Bob won. Kringle felt betrayed and turned to Lucifer for assistant. Lucifer gave Kringle a pair of "Satan's Claws", and Kringle recruited an army of helpers to rid the world of Bob and his kind.
Battle alerts come on, and the members realize that Kringle and his helpers found them. They go to "battle stations", sealing the doors and activating monitors showing the area around the church. Hundreds of mall Santas are closing in, and Robert realizes everything Scott told him is true.
The helpers break in, and the automated defense systems open fire. Scott tells Robert that Kringle gave toys to the children of parents he killed, out of remorse. Kringle murdered Scott's parents and left a scar on his throat, and also gave him a train set.
The helpers start to break through the sealed doors, but Robert is still skeptical about the Kringle legend. He mentions that he saw a helper earlier that day, and he told Robert that there's a killer on the loose and only comes out when the moon is full. The helper told Robert that "naughty boys" get what they deserve, and have their heads cut off. Robert assumed that he was insane.
Irena tells Robert that they only die from old age or if they're beheaded. Scott figures the helper followed Robert, and gets out guns from the box. Scott gives Robert a brief explanation of how a pistol works, while the other members set up barricades. Ryan still sits and says nothing, and Robert invites Irena on a date if they survive. She readily agrees, and they start to kiss.
The helpers break in, and the SA members open fire. The helper from early advances on Robert as he tries to get his pistol to work, and Irena shoot him in the head. Robert kills the helper coming up behind her.
The surviving helpers run off, and Ryan finally speaks... saying it isn't over. He points at the monitors, and one of them shows Kringle arriving by sled. The members are down to two bullets, and Scott suggests they all grab weapons and strike at once. Andy doesn't believe it, and says that he's leaving posing as a dead helper.
Ryan says that there's a way, stands up, and takes out five vials of metamorphosis potion. It will let them change form and retain their human intellect. Ryan says that he's had them for a long time, and just knows that they work. Irena tells Robert that it can't hurt to try. Phyllis admits that she's just a furry, and Irena gives her a vial and tells her that she's one of them.
Ryan refuses to drink a potion, and Scott drinks first. Everyone watches, and Scott turns into a man-sized wereturtle. Irena drinks next and turns into a sexy werecheetah. Andy turns into a wereboar, and Phyllis drinks but doesn't change into anything. She grabs a gun, and Robert drinks from a vial and turns into a werewolf.
The werecreatures line up as Kringle's remaining helpers charge in. They soon die, and even Phyllis contributes with a few well-placed shots. Once the helpers are dead, Kringle strides in, wearing his red battle armor and his Satan Claws. One helper begs Kringle for help, and Kringle kills the weakling.
Scott tells Kringle that his reign of evil ends, and Kringle kicks him into a wall. Kringle says that the others are on his list, and Phyllis insists that she's a werecreature in her heart.
Ryan chuckles and tells Kringle that he's tired, and has been running for far too long. Kringle recognizes his voice, and Ryan transforms into Bob. He and Kringle prepare to fight, and Phyllis cuts off Kringle's head with a discarded scythe.
Ryan turns back to his human form, and admits he didn't know it was that easy to kill Kringle. A golden light of magic merges from Kringle's neck stump, and all of the werecreatures turn back to their human forms. They tell Scott that Phyllis killed Kringle, and Ryan says that they all fought bravely and as a reward, they have full control of their shapeshifting. He offers to turn Phyllis into a werewolf, but Phyllis wants to be a werehippo. Ryan admits that he can't do it, but has an idea. He invites Phyllis to sit on Santa's lap, because Santa has a lot of magic.
Phyllis sits on Santa's lap, and Ryan tells her to make a heartfelt Christmas wish. She does, but nothing happens. She tells Ryan that it's okay. Lil Yachty comes in and asks Phyllis to take her home, after they stop at a bank and get $1 million. She leaves with Yachty, and the others figure she got her Christmas wish after all.
Irena tells Robert that he should come to her apartment, where she has a leash and a California king-sized bed.
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The Creep dresses as Santa, wishes everyone a Happy Horror-Days, and laughs.
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