- When Tommy has to clean the firehouse due to his defiant ways, a mystery woman suddenly makes an appearance. Meanwhile, when Tommy's drinking begins to cause problems, his family confronts him.
- Sheila cooks Tommy breakfast, raving about bacon. "I would eat bacon 24-7, but I don't want my ass going all Kim Kardashian on me," she says.
Somehow this turns into a trap from which Tommy tries to extricate himself as he tells her she could eat tons of bacon, even Candian bacon, and never get fat. And then he's getting yelled at for the party a long time ago when he might have checked out a woman with big boobs who happened to be from Canada. Tommy tries to ride out the storm but Sheila ends up crying when Tommy can't choose between red and green peppers for his fritatta.
She runs to the bedroom. Tommy finds Sheila's dead husband Jimmy in the kitchen, there to harass him for not telling Sheila yet about the fact Tommy's no longer looking out for her son Damien on calls - per Needle's order.
Sheila comes back with her meds. Shocker, she forgot to take them. She goes back to cooking. Tommy says he has something to tell her, but instead asks what she takes. Two pills for anti-anxiety, one to counter act how sleepy those make her and then one for terror sweats and one for her libido. He tries to continue, first moving the knife out of reach. He compliments her rear. His phone rings. It's Needles, telling him to turn on the TV and check the newspaper.
His mauling of the state rep is on the news. They're calling it a drunken brawl.
Tommy sits with Needles in his office. He thinks Tommy was drunk, but Tommy says it was his first drink and he hadn't taken a drink yet. When Needles talks about having to deal with it, Tommy says he fights fires and Needles pushes papers. Needles references all the trouble Tommy makes and asks if (like previous chief Jerry Reilly, who shot himself) he's going end up with a gun in his mouth, too.
Tommy leaps across the table and starts trying to pound Needles. Tommy gets him on the ground and Needles tells dares him to hit a superior officer. He tells Tommy he'd love to go into buildings with him, but he has a responsibility to deal with all the men and their families. They stand up and dust themselves off.
Needles tells Tommy to quit drinking for a week or all of Damien's crap probie duties will be his. Tommy says no problem. Needles says the deal is to quit for 30 days. "In a row?" Tommy says.
Cut to Tommy polishing the fire truck to a shine as Lou, Franco and Shawn observe. Damien comes in preparing them for what he just saw outside. She walks in, a young, hot, blonde Russian mail order bride. Needles went through a nasty divorce and just ordered her up. "Man," Franco says, "I'd like to introduce her to Doctor Zhivago." Shawn clarifies that Franco was just referring to his junk.
"Yea, just for Russian chicks, though. If they're Irish chicks it's Michael Collins, with French chicks it's Napoleon, British chicks it's King Arthur. It used to be David Beckham, but too many chicks have seen 'Bend it Like Beckham.'"
Damien chooses this moment to announce that Mrs. Needles isn't wearing any underwear. A bet is determined. The first one to verify that Mrs. Needles is breezing it is the winner. What do they win? A free view of Mrs. Needles' lady parts. The guys all run off as Lou gets back to watching Tommy buff the truck.
Needles says good bye to his wife with a hearty make-out. Lou intercepts her around the corner, carefully dropping his pencil. He stoops to pick it up, but splits his pants. On to Franco, who picks up a barbell and pretends to be mid-workout. He pulls her up a chair and lays down in front of her to do sit ups, but leans back directly into the barbell on the floor, whacking his head.
Mrs. Needles makes her way past the fire truck, where Tommy is still cleaning under the truck. He rolls out in front of her. She says good bye and steps directly over his head. Tommy sees God. He rolls back under the truck.
Needles drops by to make sure Tommy saw his hot wife. Oh yea he did. The guys all check in with Tommy, who gloats.
Tommy's down in the basement cleaning, Janet stops by with a note from Katie. She notes the basement is also the perfect place for a quickie. Tommy tries to resists, saying he's in the doghouse, but Janet doesn't have a shirt on under her jacket, which pretty much ends the argument. The finish before Mike checks in on them.
Tommy says they should go on a date, like dinner and a movie. But Janet says that was a date. On her way out, Janet runs into Needles. He spies Janet's undies and Tommy is busted.
Mike brings Damien home to crash on his couch. Sean is there. He misuses "carpe diem" and Damien corrects him. But Sean clings to it, explaining carpe is Roman for carp, and the saying is based on the fact that fish live short lives and have to live well.
Mike tells Sean about the women coming to his benefit that may or may not be lesbians.
Sean worries about the effort involved determining which are which. He says if it's going to take effort he might just stay home and enjoy the pleasure of his own company. "Yea, but would a carp do that?" Damien asks. Touche.
Carla and Franco walk in Central Park. She tells him she's bringing ten hot friends. He clarifies that they're "girlie." She can tell he's still stuck on the lesbian thing. She calls his friends idiots. He's about to get offended when she mentions they're calling her a lesbian and who's he gonna side with?
Cousin Mikey visits Tommy at the fire house. Tommy launches into his explanation of the other night with the state rep, saying he wasn't drunk.
Mikey tells Tommy nobody's seen Derek for a while and he's Tommys responsibility.
Needles comes into the kitchen and compliments Tommy on his fine cleaning work. Then he ducks. Something explodes on the table. Needles bought it at a joke shop. It made a huge mess everywhere. Tommy gets to clean it up.
A while later, with the kitchen clean again, Tommy gets a call from Derek. He just took some oxy. Tommy tells him not to go anywhere, he'll be right there.
Tommy gets to the empty bar, but Derek's fine. Teddy, his wife, Maggie, Cousin Eddie and Mickey are all there. They tell him it's time to stop. He agrees, saying it's all magic anyway. It's not good for the kids. He goes on, giving a long soliloquy, sounding like he's turning the corner. At some point David Copperfield comes up. But he finishes by opening a bottle and taking a huge swig. He offers it up to all the alcoholics.
Eddie'll have some. He's been drinking in secret the whole time. And Mickey hates David Copperfield, so he'll have some. Maggie's the only one who resists. The rest of them raise a glass in toast, the family that drinks together. "Welcome back," Tommy says.
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