- Hank Hill: Dang it, Dale. Knock it off. If you guys keep acting like jackasses, we'll get kicked out of here. And if we get kicked out, the momentum might shift back to Nebraska, and then we lose. And if we lose, Bobby'll hate football and live an unfulfilling life. And then he will die.
- Bobby Hill: [watching a football game from the top row of the stadium] Dad, the birds flying below us are blocking my view of the game.
- Hank Hill: First, I thought Bobby was just standin' in front of the TV watching all the colors, but then he actually cheered.
- Bill Dauterive: Congratulations, Hank. Now you're life is finally perfect.
- Hank Hill: Texas - Nebraska, that's perfect. Big game, a trip to the Rose Bowl at stake, an intense rivalry. Bobby'll get a real sense of the hatred that makes football so great.
- Assistant Coach Will Benton: Jake, I need a play. I - I - I - I don't know what to do. The fans will kill me and they'll do it with tractors and farm machinery.