- Jen: God, my vagina itches!
- Jack: Sammy, isn't tonight Irish accent night?
- Dr. Andrew: Sammy, cheer up, if it will make you feel any better, I've got Hilary Duff on my Ipod.
- Sammy: Do you know what will make me feel better?... if you can somehow pretend to be a 5'10" blonde with big tits... I promise I won't touch them... just sneak a feel from time to time.