- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Definitely didn't picture my demise like this. I always figured I'd go out like Cagney in "White Heat", fiery explosion. Or Redford and Newman in "Butch Cassidy", hail of bullets.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How about Charlie Chaplin in "Gold Rush"?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: How'd he die?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Silently.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [singing] Baa baa, black ship/Have you any wool?/Yes sir, yes sir/But in order to see it you're going to need top secret government clearance.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [carrying a dead rat] Yes, Alex, I'll take "Horror Films That Take Place on Ships" for 500. Thank you.
- [the ship's lights go out]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh, goody. Double Jeopardy.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: So, pirates that weren't really pirates, who were actually Russian sailors, were on a covert mission to steal a Navy research ship that wasn't actually a Navy research ship in order to get back nuclear weapons that we thought they didn't think we had retrieved?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Uh-huh.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Okay.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [last lines; as the team speeds away from the Chimera in the pirates' motor launch, a cruise missile streaks overhead and destroys the ship] Guess the Navy didn't want anyone to know the ship existed.
- Officer Ziva David: How did they know we got off the ship?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't think they did.
- [in the abandoned mess hall, the team sees the left-behind "meals" being eaten by the crew]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, whatever it is must be pretty scary if it got them to ditch this delicious looking... what is this?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Don't ask me.
- [Tony starts to say something]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: That's not a request, it's a *command*!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [as McGee stumbles while taking photos] Steady, Probie.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Tell that to my stomach.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [leans down] Steady, Probie's stomach.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: You know, the last time you were dying of a horrible disease, you were a little more stoic about the whole thing.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I was younger then... carefree.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: It was two years ago.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Last time I almost died someone blew up my car! So that's twice I've almost died, and this is the *third* time! And bad stuff happens in threes! And I'm out of almosts! I'm telling you, man! This time I'm *dying*! I *know* it!
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Ok, but until you are actually dead, will you please help me fix this thing?
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: I don't know you well enough, Commander.
- Commander Skinner: We can fix that.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You can cut the charm. Higher ranking, richer and *definitely* better looking men have tried that on me and didn't get very far. Now I can't speak for you, Commander, but I didn't get where I am because of my looks. Now get your eyes off of *me* and put some on that ship!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You ever see "Run Silent, Run Deep"?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The "run silent" part sounds good.
- [to Commander Skinner]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't give a damn about your secrets, Commander! I care about keeping my team safe.
- Abby Sciuto: You guys okay?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Oh yeah. Yeah. I'm dealing with my boat phobia. Tony's dealing with his rat phobia. And Ziva's dealing with her ghost phobia.
- Abby Sciuto: So what's Gibbs dealing with?
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs enters] Them!
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to the Director] We're still running tests. Don't know right now.
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: [Ducky Enters] Yes we do. My initial diagnosis of asphixia was incorrect, I'm afraid. It looks as if Takada died from viral hemorrhagic fever to which, by now, we have all been exposed.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Can't leave the ship?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: That's not a problem, Jethro. If my diagnosis is correct, we'll all be dead by morning.
- Officer Ziva David: Someone or something is on the ship, with us. I can feel it.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [peering over DiNozzo's shoulder] Uh, yeah, I can see it.
- [a large rat is eye-level behind DiNozzo. He turns around, sees the live rat, and jumps back in fright. The rat scurries away. DiNozzo exhales]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [smiling] Scared much, DiNozzo?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Stuff it, Mc-Barf-bag.
- Officer Ziva David: It's just a cute, little rat. Why the irrational fear?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's not cute. It's not little. And it's not irrational.
- Officer Ziva David: Cowardly, then.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not if you're, uh, someone who survived a bout of bubonic plague, thank you very much! Rats are a known carrier. I used to love rats, back before the plague. Was a regular Willard.
- Officer Ziva David: What is a "Willard?"
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: It's a movie.
- Officer Ziva David: Mm.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Willard had a pet rat named Ben, was a social misfit, made fun of by his coworkers, had a creepy boss.
- Officer Ziva David: No wonder you're related.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You think Gibbs is creepy?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: She meant the social-misfit-made-fun-of part.
- Officer Ziva David: I know there was something there.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [sarcastically] Like my freckle?
- Officer Ziva David: Shh! Did you hear that?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, Special Agent Timothy McGee: No.
- Officer Ziva David: There's something aboard... other than a rat.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What do your astute, ninja Mossad senses tell you it is?
- Officer Ziva David: In the Mossad, part of the training is to be open to things you cannot see, or even understand.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: You mean the supernatural.
- Officer Ziva David: Call it what you want, not everything can be explained by the laws of the natural world.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: You believe in ghosts?
- Officer Ziva David: I do not *not* believe in ghosts... or demons... or monsters. We *are* on a ship called the "Chimera."
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I thought "chimera" meant a delusion or fantasy.
- Officer Ziva David: In Greek mythology, a chimera is a monster with a lion's head, a goat's body, and a dragon's tail.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: So you think they named this ship the "Chimera" because there's a monster on board.
- Officer Ziva David: [dead serious] They-did-not-name-it-the-"Puppy!"
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Seeing as how my agents now have control over your ship, I am going to instruct them to investigate *any* and ALL aspects of the Chimera's operation that will help them determine what they are up against! NOTHING will be off limits!
- Commander Skinner: You can't do that!
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: You can't stop me!
- Commander Skinner: This is a CLASSIFIED mission!
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: Then read me into it!
- Commander Skinner: [pause] Even if I wanted to read you into the Chimera's mission, I CAN'T do that over an MTAC feed! The file has to be read to you in PERSON.
- NCIS Director Jenny Shepard: If you think, I'm going to stand idly by while my agents lives are in *danger*, you are SADLY mistaken! I will be waiting for you AND your file, Commander!
- Commander Skinner: Now you -
- [Shephard motions to the MTAC personnel to cut the signal]
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: What the hell is that noise?
- Abby Sciuto: Brain Matter.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: [pause] I love them.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Looks like someone tossed a lot of creamed corn to make room for him.
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: Don't say that again, please.
- NCIS Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Tossed?
- NCIS Special Agent Timothy McGee: No. Creamed corn.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [about cracking a high tech lock] It could take some time.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We're not going anywhere.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Ok.
- [Gibbs, Ziva, and Tony walk away]
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I thought you said you weren't going anywhere.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: DiNozzo, get this to Ducky.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Me? That's a dead, diseased rat.
- [Gibbs gives him a look]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Which is why it may aid Dr. Mallard in his investigation. Which is why I'd be pleased as punch to walk back through this ship with a dead, diseased rat.
- Officer Ziva David: You can show Ducky your freckle.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Feel my head.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Why?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just feel it.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: I don't want to. It's all sweaty.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Exactly. I got the frickin' fever. I'm burning up, man.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: The ventilation's off, Tony. We're all burning up.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: [looking through a bag] Transponders?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: From what?
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: My guess, E-PIRBs.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's my guess, too.
- [pause]
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What are E-PIRBs again?
- Abby Sciuto: Now place two drops of the methalane blue on your slide.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [adds the drops] We're good.
- Abby Sciuto: Of course, blood that's passed through someone's G.I. tract has a very *particular* smell...
- [Tony sniffs the slide]
- Abby Sciuto: But since this guy may have died from a highly contagious virus, whatever you do, *don't* inhale!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [slight pause] We're not good!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [staring at his forearm] Anyone else feeling itchy? Maybe that's a bug bite.
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Or a rat bite.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, no, no. Look at that spot.
- Officer Ziva David: It's a freckle.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's not a freckle.
- Officer Ziva David: Freckle.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Never had a freckle there.
- Officer Ziva David: You've always had that freckle.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Uh, how would you know whether I had a freckle or didn't have a freckle? And by the way, I have never had that freckle!
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: AAAGH!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ziva] Five minutes, you owe me ten bucks.
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Where's McGee?
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Calling Earl, shouting groceries, making street pizza, technicolor yawn...
- Special Agent Timothy McGee: Found something.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Lost something too.
- [Ducky is working in the lab aboard the Navy research ship]
- Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: And if we were exposed?
- Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Well, I'm hampered from prognosticating further until "Dr." DiNozzo gives me a proper blood analysis!
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [waving a hand around the lab] Abby, where's the gas chromata-thinga?
- Abby Sciuto: It's the, uh, boxy-looking thing with the, um, circular, door-like thing on the front.
- Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: ...Oh, I got it.