- Harry Stern: [sneaking up on Martin with a wig] Now the only problem I can foresee, is actually getting it on his bonks...
- Kim: Yeah, over the woolly hat?
- Kim: Take off your woolly hat, Martin...
- Hazel Edwards: Don't be shy, you're amongst friends...
- Harry Stern: Yeah, come on mate, just take it off, and I promise you, we will not laugh!
- Harry Stern: [Martin takes off the hat, revealing he has lost all of his hair] Ahahahahahahahahahaha!
- Martin Edwards: That's the problem with you lot, you just don't care!
- Hazel Edwards: Oh, of course we care, Martin. It's not the end of the world.
- Martin Edwards: It's the end of my hair!
- Harry Stern: [trying to fit Martin a wig] I'll tell you what, ten minutes with this on your head, and you'll feel like a new man.
- Martin Edwards: But... I haven't got red hair?
- Harry Stern: See, you're a new man already!
- Hazel Edwards: You know, It's still a mystery to me how you could'a loose all of your hair so suddenly, though.
- Martin Edwards: Well, I did it myself.
- Hazel Edwards: You what?
- Martin Edwards: Well, I was having a shave, you know, and I was concentrating on something else, and I just somehow just managed to shave my hair off, that's all.
- Hazel Edwards: [shouting] Of all the brainless, careless idiot! Oh, you want you're brain examining!
- Martin Edwards: I'll take the wig off for that, won't I?
- Hazel Edwards: Oh, Martin stop cowering! Don't you recognize a theatre mask when you see one?
- Martin Edwards: Oh, oh, thank heavens. Do you know what I thought that it was for one horrible moment? Your mother come to stay!
- Kim: [hosting the Duster Muster quiz] It's a yardbrush question coming up here now. How many teeth... How many teeth does a tortoise have?
- [laughs]
- Contestant # 1: How many teeth does a tortoise have?
- Kim: Right, right.
- Contestant # 1: None!
- Kim: Because... it's got horny gums. Horny gums?
- [more laughter]
- Kim: Where would you find the most sand in the world?
- Kim: [contestant Rick blows his whistle first] He's so quick!
- Contestant # 1: The... Saharah desert.
- Kim: [Kim is feeling sorry for the other contestant not getting a word in] That was a guess, wasn't it? It was a guess!
- Contestant # 1: It was right wasn't it?
- Kim: [conceding] It was all right.