- Director X: I mean, there are some things that are fun to believe in. There's the sasquatch for the people of the upper northwest, there's Jackalopes for people in that... square state, uh, there's medicare and affordable housing for the people of Florida... you know, it's fun things to believe in, but I don't necessarily think they're there.
- Logan: Get in the car, Man! Get in the car!
- Noel: Do you have a gun or something?
- Clinton: What happened? Did you see a snake?
- Noel: No!
- Logan: It was a Jackalope, Man!
- Garvis: A Jackalope! A Jackalope!
- Noel: Oh, my God, we were attacked! It was small, it was fluffy, it had horns!
- Logan: It was vicious!
- Clinton: [rolls eyes] Wow! You gotta watch out for them things!
- Noel: No! It came after my legs!
- Aunt Beckie: It must have jumped up and smacked him in the eye with its razor-sharp fangs! He's torn to bits!
- Garvis: Calm down! Calm down!
- Noel: I'll feed you to the fluffy little bugger!
- Noel: I have to go calibrate the tulips!
- Noel: Logan, NO! I was kidding, I was kidding, I was KIDDING! You don't... you don't hug strange people!
- Logan: You said to hug him!
- Logan: Why... why does he call you David?
- Noel: It's because of my last name, Bowie.
- Logan: I never made that connection!
- Noel: No relation.
- Joann Teal: I have never been chased, I have been followed... okay? There is a difference.
- [Jackalope peeks up behind Joann and sniffs]
- Joann Teal: I think if they were chasing you it's because you deserve it.