Chuck (TV Series)

Chuck Versus the Imported Hard Salami (2007)

Zachary Levi: Chuck Bartowski

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Quotes 

• Sarah Walker : [after Sarah kissed Chuck, and the bomb didn't blow up]  Okay, the good news is we're both still alive. The bad news is that right now this is a really awkward moment.

  Chuck Bartowski : It's not so awkward on my end.

  [Sarah looks at him] 

  Chuck Bartowski : I'm just saying...

• Sarah Walker : [seeing there's only a minute left on the timer]  Okay, Chuck, that's enough. Run. I'm going to try and stay and defuse it.

  Chuck Bartowski : No, I'm not leaving you here.

  Sarah Walker : Go. That is an order.

  Chuck Bartowski : No.

  Sarah Walker : [Points her gun at him]  I said go.

  Chuck Bartowski : [sarcastically]  Oh, I see. So you're gonna shoot me to prevent me from being blown up? That is a great plan.

  Sarah Walker : Why are you so stubborn?

  Chuck Bartowski : Actually, I consider this a rare moment of courage. I don't know where it's coming from, I guess you just bring out the worst in me.

• Chuck Bartowski : Of course. I get it. It's the old story, you know. Guy gets supercomputer in his brain, beautiful C.I.A. agent is sent to protect him and then she tells him, while under the spell of truth serum, that she's not interested. I get it. But for *me*, the emotional roller coaster is a little much, so I think I'd rather find something a little less common. Like say, I don't know, a, uh, a real relationship.

  Sarah Walker : Okay, Chuck. Well, if that's what you want, then I'm gonna have to sell it!

  [Starts tearing up] 

  Chuck Bartowski : You okay?

  [Sarah continues crying and leaves] 

  Chuck Bartowski : Sarah?

• John Casey : How was the date?

  Chuck Bartowski : Is it me or does our government never want me to have sex again?

• Sarah Walker : Chuck, I want you to get as far away from here as possible.

  Chuck Bartowski : I'm coming with you.

  Sarah Walker : No. Chuck. You're not going anywhere near a live bomb.

  Chuck Bartowski : Do you know how to diffuse a bomb? Do you have an Intersect in your head? I didn't think so.

• Lou : [Lou and Chuck are making out in the car]  I think I tweaked my neck.

  Chuck Bartowski : Well, it, uh, it wouldn't be an official Chuck Bartowski date if the woman didn't leave injured in some way.

• Chuck Bartowski : We're only on our second official date, and already I'm lying to her.

  John Casey : Relax, it's dating in LA. Everyone lies.

• Morgan Grimes : Where you going? Don't run from me, all right? We need to talk about our emotions and all that crap.

  Chuck Bartowski : I'm sorry, buddy. You're gonna have to weep without me, I got a date.

  Morgan Grimes : What? Get out of here. Already? Good for you, hotshot. With who?

  Chuck Bartowski : Just someone I met. She makes sandwiches. Deli owner.

  Morgan Grimes : Okay, hold on a second. A pro?

• Sarah Walker : [Gives Chuck a pin shaped like an electric guitar]  This has an RK-7 mini-mike that works up to 20 feet. I want you to keep it as close to Stavros as possible.

  Chuck Bartowski : Are you kidding? Are you kidding me with this? I can't wear this. This looks ridiculous.

  John Casey : The alternative is we join you on your date.

  Chuck Bartowski : [Gives up]  Fine.

  [He wears the pin on his jacket's breast pocket] 

  Sarah Walker : [Opens a box that holds a tiny device]  Earwig.

  Chuck Bartowski : It never stops with you people, does it?

  John Casey : Aren't you forgetting something, Romeo?

  [Gives him a red rose] 

  Chuck Bartowski : Oh, of course. Let me guess. This is equipped with some kind of microscopic, infrared tracking device that determines her mother's communist affiliations?

  John Casey : No, idiot. It's so you can get laid.

• Stavros Demitrios : [Having a drink with Chuck]  That's aged ten years in oak. Can you taste it, Jack?

  Chuck Bartowski : Chuck, and, uh, yes, I think I did... I think I did taste it, although that-that also could have been a piece of my liver.

• Chuck Bartowski : I just wanted to apologize about last night and explain...

  Lou : I'm working. Do you want a sandwich?

  Chuck Bartowski : Yeah. I'll take a sandwich.

  Lou : Great. What'll you have?

  Chuck Bartowski : [Begins a sexy game of sandwich-making to win her back]  You guys carry wheat bread?

  Lou : We do.

  Chuck Bartowski : Why don't you grab a couple slices of that?

  [Lou does so] 

  Chuck Bartowski : Now, toss 'em and grab the seedless rye. And while you're at it, grab some pastrami. End cut, none of that lean crap.

  Lou : A man with high cholesterol. Sexy. Is that it?

  Chuck Bartowski : Oh, I'm just getting warmed up. Cole slaw.

  Lou : On the side?

  Chuck Bartowski : On the top, lather it on.

  Lou : Swiss?

  Chuck Bartowski : [Goes to pick up some Swiss cheese, but Chuck grabs her hand and guides it to another food container]  Muenster.

  Chuck Bartowski : Is that it?

  Chuck Bartowski : Well, after you shut it down and grill it. This is a hot sandwich, sweetheart. In the Reuben family.

• Chuck Bartowski : I didn't know you liked Anna.

  Morgan Grimes : What's like got to do with it? I figured you have a girl, I should have a girl, too.

  Chuck Bartowski : Uh, occasionally, on planet Earth, men will consider their feelings for a woman before jumping atop them.

  Morgan Grimes : I guess she's kinda cute in a freaky little tigerish kind of way, you know. But that's not my problem, dude. What if she tells everyone? I was just starting to get some street cred around here!

  Chuck Bartowski : Anna is very cool. I'm sure that your rep is very secure, esse.

• Stavros Demitrios : You don't want to get on her bad side. Fiery Italian.

  Lou : Stavros...

  Stavros Demitrios : What? You think I'm gonna tell him about the trip to Mykonos where you threw a lamp at my head? Still have the scar.

  [Pulls up his sleeve to reveal the scar on his right arm] 

  Chuck Bartowski : I thought... I thought you said she threw it at your head.

  Stavros Demitrios : She did. The scar is from the make-up sex. She's a tiger! Grrr!

• Chuck Bartowski : [On the phone, leaving a message on Lou's voice mail]  Chuck Bartowski, second message. Look, I totally screwed up, okay? I'm more than comfortable blaming it on the alcohol, or global warming or my obscure allergy to neon...

  [Casey approaches, startling him] 

  Chuck Bartowski : But, hey, hopefully, I'll-I'll talk to you soon. Okay. Thanks. Buh-bye.

  [to Casey] 

  Chuck Bartowski : Damn it. You made me give her a buh-bye.

  John Casey : She won't talk to you? You want us to cut her power, smoke her out?

  Chuck Bartowski : Wow. That's very romantic. Why don't you just club her over the head and drag her out by her foot?

  [Casey seems to consider it] 

• Chuck Bartowski : [Talks to himself while looking at the mirror]  Morning, handsome. Nice work last night.

  John Casey : [Out of nowhere]  Hey, lover boy.

  Chuck Bartowski : [Startled]  Aah!

  John Casey : Hasn't that mirror suffered enough already?

  Chuck Bartowski : I am in the bathroom, okay? Is there nothing sacred to you people?

  John Casey : Just the right to bear arms.

• Chuck Bartowski : You know, as a matter of fact, I'm the one who did the breaking up. She just wasn't the right girl for me.

  Morgan Grimes : "Right girl"? Are you out of your mind, dude? She is the hottest piece you're ever gonna get!

  Chuck Bartowski : Listen, I didn't really see a future for Sarah and I ultimately, and so I didn't wanna waste any more time.

  Morgan Grimes : [and then Sarah enters the Buymore, looking as cute as ever]  Beg for her back, Charles.