Flight of the Conchords (TV Series)

Girlfriends (2007)

Jemaine Clement: Jemaine

Quotes 

• Jemaine : [gravelly voice, flapping the oven door]  Cheer up, Bret!

  Jemaine : [normal voice]  Mmm? It's the talking stove!

  Jemaine : [as talking stove]  Eh, things will work out!

  Jemaine : [normal voice]  Yeah? You love the talking stove!

  Jemaine : [as talking stove]  Ahhh! Let's make a cake!

• Bret : A kiss is not a contract / But it's very nice / Mmm, very nice / Just because you've been exploring my mouth / Doesn't mean you get to take an expedition further south, no

  Bret , Jemaine : A kiss is not a contract / But it's very nice / It's very, very nice / Just because we've been playing tonsil hockey / Doesn't mean you get to score the goal that's in my Jockey

• Jemaine : Je voudrais un croissant.

  Lisa : What?

  Jemaine : Je voudrais un croissant. Je suis enchanté. Où est la biblioteque? Voilá mon passeport. Ah, Gerard Depardieu! Baguette!

  Jemaine , Bret : Aw-haw-haw!

  Bret : Baguette! Aw-haw-haw-haw-haw!

• Dave : I don't know how you guys do things in Europe...

  Bret , Jemaine : New Zealand.

  Dave : Yeah, probably. But in America, if you want to spend some time with the ladies, you've got to show them some sausage.

• Bret : Well, it turns out she's very aggressive.

  Jemaine : Did she hit you?

  Bret : No, she wanted to go all the way.

  Jemaine : Mmm. I thought you already did go all the way.

  Bret : No, now she wants to have sex.

  Jemaine : [chokes on his juice]  What gave you that impression?

  Bret : She jumped on top of me and then touched me on the penis.

• Bret : I don't want to go too fast, you know? I don't want her to think that I'm easy.

  Jemaine : You want her to think you're more difficult?

• Jemaine : Bonjour.

  Felicia : Bonjour.

  Jemaine : Bonjour.

  Felicia : Bonjour, monsieur.

  Jemaine : Bonjour, ma petite bureau de change.

  Lisa : Ça va?

  Bret : Ça va. Ça va?

  Lisa : Ça va.

  Bret : Voilà! La conversation dans le parc!

• Jemaine : Fix the sink, please!

  Eugene : The sink *works*. It just comes out of a different place.