- Greg Hirsch: Maybe we should try to get outside.
- Tom Wambsgans: No, Greg! This is the safe room, okay? This is the panic room. We're safe here.
- Greg Hirsch: What? How is it safe?
- Tom Wambsgans: Calm down!
- Greg Hirsch: It's just a room!
- Tom Wambsgans: [reading from a list of prepared questions] Just to fend this off: Have you ever read Mein Kampf?
- Mark Ravenhead: Um... Yeah, a couple of times, I guess.
- Tom Wambsgans: Couple times? Are there any Easter eggs in there you didn't get the first time?
- Mark Ravenhead: Look, I'm interested in that period of history, Tom. Okay?
- Tom Wambsgans: And what, specifically, do you find interesting about that period of history?
- Mark Ravenhead: The scale. The tragedy.
- Tom Wambsgans: Hell yeah. Yeah. Which tragedies, specifically?
- Mark Ravenhead: Europe decimated. Seven million Germans, twenty million Russians, five million Poles.
- Tom Wambsgans: [after a beat, waiting for him to list more tragedies] Yeah. Just checking the till here, Mark, and it seems you're short a few million.
- Roman Roy: Everyone treats me like I am a piece of shit.
- Gerri Kellman: You ARE a piece of shit, Roman.
- Roman Roy: Fuck you Gerri.
- Michelle Pantsil: Connor? Hi, sorry to interrupt. I'm Michelle Pantsil, I'm working on a study.
- Connor Roy: I know who you are.
- Michelle Pantsil: I spoke to Lester a lot toward the end. He always spoke so fondly of you.
- Connor Roy: Oh, I see you a mile away, sister. What, you wanna dig through my treasure chest for precious memory jabs?
- Michelle Pantsil: No, I don't wanna make anyone do anything they don't wanna do.
- Connor Roy: Hey, if you wanna print something in your little book, you may print the following line: "Connor Roy was interested in politics at a very young age." That's it.
- Michelle Pantsil: [Whispers] Connor, this isn't an interview, we're just two people chatting at a funeral.
- Connor Roy: [Whispers] Fine.
- Michelle Pantsil: Its' a good turnout. It's a nice church, don't you think?
- Connor Roy: I'll tell you what a nice church it is: Connor Roy was interested in politics at a very young age.
- Michelle Pantsil: Okay, you know, you're not doing yourself any favors by refusing to talk.
- Connor Roy: Interesting point. To which I would add... Connor Roy was interested in politics from a very young age.
- Michelle Pantsil: I look forward to hearing what you have to say about Lester.
- Cyd Peach: What does it mean being executive assistant to Tom?
- Greg Hirsch: Um, well, I perform a variety of target-oriented tasks, and keep close to the deal flow, and...
- Cyd Peach: Kind of like a farm hand, clip his coat... Uh, do you have to "milk" him?
- Greg Hirsch: Uh... No, I just keep my head down and keep the lattes flowing, you know?
- Cyd Peach: You're a smart cookie, you know. We should talk.
- Gerri Kellman: So, how's it going?
- Roman Roy: Oh, amazing. I'm stripping back to basics. This is my White Album.
- Gerri Kellman: Is it very horrible in America?
- Roman Roy: Oh, yes. It's glorious, yeah. No amount of antibacterial gel is gonna be able to wipe the America off me.
- Kendall Roy: [to Shiv] I would just ask that you take care of me, because if Dad didn't need me right now I don't exactly know what I would be for.
- Shiv Roy: [seeing a protest as they approach Waystar Royco in a chauffeured car] The fuck is this?
- Tom Wambsgans: Ravenhead fanboys.
- Shiv Roy: Ugh. Morning, assholes.
- Tom Wambsgans: Hey, those are our assholes.
- Shiv Roy: Great, well technically they're your assholes.
- Rhea Jarrell: [deflecting an invitation to stay for lunch at Waystar Royco's offices] We really only eat Pulitzer over at Pierce. You eat. I'll stay for five and skulk out the way I skulked in.
- Roman Roy: What's your story, Hunky Dory?
- Brian: Me? I'm an enigma. You can't pigeon-hole me. I'm there, then I'm gone. I'm intellectually promiscuous but culturally conservative. I work hard, but I do not play hard. I play easy. Why would you play hard?
- Roman Roy: Good question. And what is it you're doing right now?
- Brian: I'm lurking, like a dormant virus, biding my time in the Fort Meyers resort, but I'm being stymied by a variety of enemies who are envious of my talents.
- Gerri Kellman: [on the phone] Go to bed, Roman. Go to bed, and masturbate all your ideas out, and let's see how excited you feel tomorrow.
- Roman Roy: Maybe I will. Maybe I'll just leave you on the pillow so you can hear my brilliance cascading.
- Gerri Kellman: Fine. I've heard plenty worse than a spoiled brat ejaculating on himself.
- Roman Roy: Oh yeah? You sure about that? I could be doing it now for all you know.
- Gerri Kellman: Well get going. Chop chop.
- Rhea Jarrell: We know you're interested in an acquisition again, and I have a message. The message would be, on behalf of the Pierce family, and the media organization that it's privately owned for a hundred and fifty years, the message would be a typically balanced, nuanced, and objective "fuck off."
- Logan Roy: Very nuanced.
- Tom Wambsgans: [watching Cyd's reporting on ATN] They're just trying to make me look like a coward. Hiding in the fucking closet while she's out there breakdancing through gunfire.
- [Roman is dressed as a giant turkey mascot and a husband and wife go up to him for a picture]
- Roman Roy: Well I'm guessing you two aren't fucking much.
- Dad: Excuse me?
- Roman Roy: You need to get home and figure this shit out. This is a sad state of affairs my friend. This woman needs satisfaction that you are clearly not providing. Thanks for coming! Enjoy the park!
- Dad: What was that?
- Roman Roy: I said "gobbledy-goo fuck yourself!"
- Tom Wambsgans: [smiling] You little fuck, look at you! Where are they, those papers?
- Greg Hirsch: [smiling] I'll never tell!
- Tom Wambsgans: A-ha-ha-ha! You're a fuckin' slimeball! Atta boy!
- Connor Roy: [Giving Lester's eulogy] Hello. I am here as a fellow human, to acknowledge that Lester has, as we know, passed on. Lester was a man. Also, Lester was an employee at the Waystar company for forty years. And when a man dies, it is sad. All of us will die one day. In this case, it is Lester who has done so. Lester was alive for 78 years, but no more. Now he is dead. Lester's wife is Maria. They were married for 15 years. Now she is sad.