- Angie Lopez: I'm going to go upstairs, scrape a dry hunk of toothpaste off of the sink and brush my teeth.
- [goes upstairs]
- Benny: What the hell is going on? You haven't broken her yet?
- George Lopez: Mom, she's tougher than I thought. We ran out of fabric softener, her thongs are like cardboard and she's wearing them anyway.
- Benny: Where is the boy who made a pillow out of grass clippings and a trash bag? Where is the little boy who lived for a whole month on Halloween candy? Who used pages from a phone book when we ran out of toilet paper?
- George Lopez: He's in me, Mom, I can feel him.
- Max Lopez: It's been three weeks with no TV or internet. All I do is read and go to school. I'm like some poor pioneer kid from the 70's.
- Angie Lopez: Why is it dark in here?
- George Lopez: Some of us don't need to waste money on electricity.
- Angie Lopez: I don't need it if you don't.
- Max Lopez: Is this supposed to be a good marriage? If it is, why do gay people want it so badly?
- George Lopez: You spent 50 cents!
- Angie Lopez: No, I bought these with recycled cans.
- George Lopez: Going through the trash, are you?
- Angie Lopez: I didn't need to, I found 40 empties in the back of your mom's car.
- Angie Lopez: Face it, George, you underestimated me. I'm not spending money on ANYTHING and I ran out of deodorant, razor blades, and
- [pulls back her cap revealing a huge gray streak]
- Angie Lopez: *hair dye* a long time ago.
- George Lopez: Orale, Pepe le Pew!
- Benny: [comes in the back door and sees Angie's hair] HOLY CRAP!
- [softly]
- Benny: I'm moving very slow-ly... don't spray me!