- Liz Lemon: You listen to me, Li'l Abner. Keep your fried baloney hole shut! I am not going down for this! I'll tell him you did it. Who do you think he's gonna believe? I'm important around here.
- Kenneth Parcell: Miss Lemon, your eyes look like my uncle's after he would drink from the air conditioner. I thought we were friends!
- Liz Lemon, Deborah: [in unison with MILF Island, playing in the background] I didn't come here to make friends! I came here to be number one!
- Kenneth Parcell: I couldn't lie anymore, sir. Because everyone knows the weight of a lie makes your soul so heavy that you can't rise up to heaven. And you don't look good in jeans from behind.
- Jack Donaghy: So you have seen the show, and why shouldn't you? It has sex, lies, puberty, betrayal, relay races: MILF Island reflects the drama of the human experience, and isn't that the essence of art?
- Kenneth Parcell: The truth will come out. Like my cousin Steven after he went to music college, it will come out.
- Jack Donaghy: You know if you Google the phrase 'class-A moron' my name pops first now, so... step aside Randy Quaid.
- MILF Island Host: Debra, what was the hardest part of this for you?
- Debra: I would have to say the physical challenges.
- [Cut to Pete Hornberger, who has caught his arm in a vending machine, and is struggling with it]
- Debra: I mean, you're tired, you're hungry, you want to go home--and then you just reach inside yourself, and you find the strength that you didn't even know you had.
- [the vending machine now topples over onto Pete]
- Debra: I mean, one of my implants exploded, and I didn't even ask to get off the catapult.