Scrubs (TV Series)

My Words of Wisdom (2007)

Neil Flynn: Janitor

Quotes 

• Dr. Christopher Turk : How do you know sign language?

  Janitor : Well when I was in high school, I was a volunteer janitor at the Hoboken Zoo. And one night I was out plucking peacock feathers to sell for pens, when I noticed Gary the Gorilla making the sign for food. I gave him my Danish. He gave the sign for "Thank you". Those were the only two signs that Gary knew, except for boobs. He liked 'em big and hairy.

  Todd : Join the club, player.

  Janitor : Get away.

  Todd : Okay.

  Janitor : So eventually, Gary I'm sorry to say died of lung cancer. For that I blame myself, because I used to share my smokes with him. But he also piqued my interest in signing. And in his memory, I took my first signing class.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Is any of that true?

  Janitor : Someone would have to read it back to me.

• Dr. Christopher Turk : [referring to a deaf patient's deaf father]  You know what's weird? He doesn't seem like a bad dad. He really loves that kid.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Must be hard with the divorce, barely gets to see his son.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : It would kill me.

  Janitor : Maybe being deaf was the biggest connection he and his son had. You know when I was a kid, I made my dad teach me sign language so I could communicate with my deaf sister. Ended up closer with her than with anyone. Maybe Mr. Frances is afraid of losing that.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Is any of that true?

  Janitor : Mostly. My dad died before I was born.

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Wait a minute, I met your dad.

  Janitor : You met a MAN.

• Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Dr. Cox!

  Dr. Perry Cox : What? What now? What does somebody need now?

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : Our deaf patient's father won't sign a consent form so he can have a cochlear implant.

  Dr. Perry Cox : Hmm. Who could you possibly go to if the FATHER won't sign. Here's a hint: it begins with an M

  [He draws an M in the air] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : and ends

  [He draws an R] 

  Dr. Perry Cox : with an R.

  Janitor : Marg Helgenberger!

  Dr. Perry Cox : The MOTHER! Get the mother to sign it. The mother will sign it!

  Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian : The mother, I told you.

  Dr. Christopher Turk : The mother! Come on, man.

  Janitor : Glad it's not Marg. We did not end well. Hell hath no fury like a Helgenberger scorned.