- Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: [about video of Brenda online] Oh, and congratulations, Chief Johnson! You've just become the most downloaded, fully-clothed woman on the Internet!
- Det. Lt. Provenza: [looking at the blonde who has just rolled out of Ray Hodge's dropped casket] Wow. Looks like you *can* take it with you.
- Det. Lt. Provenza: [with a mouth full] Nothing tastes better than somebody else's wedding cake. Mine tasted like prison food.
- Brenda Leigh Johnson: Detective, what do you think of my lipstick?
- Det. Irene Daniels: Uh... you asking me as a friend or the Chief?
- Brenda Leigh Johnson: And as soon as the coroner has finished with his autopsy, I'll have Mr. Hodge's body returned to you for reburial.
- Maggie Hodge: Don't bother. As far as I'm concerned, you can burn them - and I'm not talking some fancy cremation, either. I'm talking... gasoline, paint thinner... and strike a match.
- Mr. Eckert: That casket left my funeral parlor with one body in it. Only one, I swear.
- Brenda Leigh Johnson: And how can you be sure of that, sir?
- Mr. Eckert: Because at Sheffield and Eckert I'm what's known as the closer.
- Brenda Leigh Johnson: Scuse me?
- Mr. Eckert: I'm the last person to view the body, and then I close the coffin - tight.
- Det. Lt. Provenza: [pall-bearers are having trouble carrying the casket] God, Hodge! How much weight did you put on?
- Brenda Leigh Johnson: Do you think he might have been... involved with her?
- Maggie Hodge: With Ray's heart, he couldn't raise a flag - and viagra would have been suicide.
- Andy Flynn: In the seven and a half years that, um, Ray and I were partners, we never knew where the shift was gonna take us, but when it was done, we always had a hell of a story and a good collar, and today he's riding shotgun with the apostles, and St. Peter can rest easier knowing that Ray Hodge has his back.
- [last lines]
- Brenda Leigh Johnson: [handing the bride her cake topper] Oh! Oh! I'm sorry. I almost forgot. You know, giving this back to you, is almost as sweet as... the icing on your cake.
- Brenda Leigh Johnson: Chief Pope. How is this my fault?
- Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: Well... three words: Flynn-and-Provenza
- Michelle Morgan: [a body is blocking the stairs leading to the church where she is about to be married] Excuse me! I don't know WHAT is going on here, but this is MY day and I want that body moved this INSTANT!
- Asst. Police Chief Will Pope: The father of the bride, who has money coming out of his... whatever, you choose the orifice... is threatening a major lawsuit.
- Mike Tao: Andrew, nice eulogy.
- Det. Lt. Provenza: A-ha, not a wet eye on the house.
- Andy Flynn: Yeah, thanks.