- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: All right, Mr Mariani... Mazel tov, you are the proud owner of yet another kidney stone! Did you try to lay off the read meat, buddy?
- Mr. Mariani: I'm trying, Doc, but it's hard.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [holding and looking at the ultrasound machine] Oh, man... Kim's having her first ultrasound tomorrow.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Wow... there's nothing like that first ultrasound. Bring tissue.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Are you kidding me? I can't just up and leave. I gotta find an apartment; I live in a teepee...
- Dr. Perry Cox: [harmonizing] Do-ho-ho-ri-an!
- [normally speaking]
- Dr. Perry Cox: You have been wrong about so many things that I'm not even going to say something's "wrong" any more... instead, I'm gonna say "It's Dorian". And the fact that you'd be willing to skip seeing that child's heartbeat for the first time is just plain Dorian! I mean, hell! Jordan's having her second ultrasound and I couldn't be more giddy; I can't wait to find out the sex of that unborn tax break.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Jordan doesn't let you know the sex until the baby's born.
- Dr. Perry Cox: Dorian again. I don't know if it's the hormones or if the baby is actually eating the bitch cells; but Jordan has softened. In fact, last night... she... she asked me to cuddle...
- The Janitor: Can I say something?
- [grabs J.D]
- The Janitor: I don't know this man. I wish I did. I admire his spirit. And if he says we continue, I say, I am in!
- Keith: You know, we could solve both of our problems if we got your mom together with my grandma.
- Ted Buckland: [indignant] My mother sleeps with men! I know. I've seen it!
- The Janitor: [to JD] Fair well stranger. I shall toast you with my heartiest wine.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [to Elliot, Carla, Keith, and Ted, about The Janitor] Maybe he should lie down.
- Nurse Carla Espinosa: [aboard Dr. Kelso's mobile home] There is a stripper pole in the back!
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Carla has got some serious moves. She can even do an inverted spread-leg pole spin. You know, if that's what there called. It's not like a took a pole-dancing class or anything.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [inner monologue] Nice cover.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: All right, Mr Mariani... Mazel tov, you are the proud owner of yet another kidney stone! Did you try to lay off the read meat, buddy?
- Mr. Mariani: I'm trying, Doc, but it's hard.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: [holding and looking at the ultrasound machine] Oh, man... Kim's having her first ultrasound tomorrow.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Wow... there's nothing like that first ultrasound. Bring tissue.
- Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian: Are you kidding me? I can't just up and leave. I gotta find an apartment; I live in a teepee...
- Dr. Elliot Reid: [harmonizing] Do-ho-ho-ri-an!
- [normally speaking]
- Dr. Elliot Reid: You have been wrong about so many things that I'm not even going to say something's "wrong" any more... instead, I'm gonna say "It's Dorian". And the fact that you'd be willing to skip seeing that child's heartbeat for the first time is just plain Dorian! I mean, hell! Jordan's having her second ultrasound and I couldn't be more giddy; I can't wait to find out the sex of that unborn tax break.
- Dr. Christopher Turk: Jordan doesn't let you know the sex until the baby's born.
- Dr. Elliot Reid: Dorian again. I don't know if it's the hormones or if the baby is actually eating the bitch cells; but Jordan has softened. In fact, last night... she... she asked me to cuddle...