Les Lye: El Capitano, Lance Prevort, Barth Baggs, Ross Ewich, Nasti, Mr. Schidtler, Doctor, Announcer, Blip, Snake-Eyes, Principal, Coach, Frankenstein's Monster

Quotes 

• Announcer : Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Wizard will not be seen at this time in order that we can try the following in scientific experimental television.

• Lance Prevort : You learn anything at school today?

  Justin Cammy : Uh, yeah, Dad. We learned the law of gravity keeps everything on Earth and without it we'd all be flying off into space.

  Lance Prevort : Really?

  Justin Cammy : Yeah.

  Lance Prevort : Hey, listen, you've given me an idea that could save our space budget a million bucks or more. I'm gonna speak to Senator Wildemire about tabling an amendment to that law of gravity. Come to think of it, it could save us a billion dollars.

  Justin Cammy : [directly into the camera]  Where does the senate find them, and how do they get elected?

• Justin Cammy : Okay, you see, I magnetized this quarter in physics class...

  Blip : Uh-huh.

  Justin Cammy : ...and what I can do - stick it in the slot...

  Blip : Oh, yeah.

  Justin Cammy : ...start my game then, using this magnet...

  Blip : Yeah.

  Justin Cammy : ...I can get my quarter back.

  Blip : [delighted]  Hey. Hey, listen, could you make me up some of these things? And what I do is, I give each of you kids one so you can play these games for almost nothing!

  Justin Cammy : I don't know, Blip. That wouldn't be fair.

  Blip : What?

  Lisa Ruddy : Oh, no. Justin's right. That would be cheating you out of money, Blip.

  Blip : But, no, what... who cares? Who cares as long as you kids are having fun.

• Doctor : Ben, I suggest to cure your sleeping problem that you, uh, enjoy a large meal before going to bed.

  Ben Schreiner : What?

  Doctor : Mm-hm.

  Ben Schreiner : But, Doc, last time I was in here you told me never to eat anything before going to bed.

  Doctor : I did? Oh, wait a minute, now. That was a couple of weeks ago. Science has made enormous strides since then.

• Justin Cammy : When a kettle boils, why does steam come out?

  Lance Prevort : Steam?

  Justin Cammy : Yeah.

  Lance Prevort : That's so your mother can open my letters before I get them.

  Valerie Prevort : [entering]  Lance.

  Lance Prevort : What?

  Valerie Prevort : Mail's here.

  [hands Lance a handful of dripping wet, steaming hot letters] 

• Announcer : You Can't Do That On Television has been a Dr. Jekyll Risk Your Hyde Production - and whoever invented television must be wondering if it was really worthwhile when he sees a program like this.

• Nasti : Scientists have discovered dhat rest is very important for dhe body, so the Warden has changed your sentence.

  Alasdair Gillis : [chained to the dungeon wall]  All right! Freedom, Barfy Burgers, girls!

  Nasti : What? No-no-no-noo! I said "rest," not freedom. No-no, you're gonna be chained up here for dhe "rest" of your life. Ha-ha-ha-ha-haa. Be seein' you around.

• Ross Ewich : Modern science is responsible for my Uncle Ed losin' five years out of his life.

  Christine McGlade : Really?

  Ross Ewich : Yeah.

  Christine McGlade : Five year? How cone?

  Ross Ewich : Well, a forensic scientist found his fingerprints at the scene of a burglary.

• Mr. Schidtler : All right, class, can anyone tell me what Sir Isaac Newton was famous for?

  Justin Cammy : I can, sir.

  Mr. Schidtler : Justin.

  Justin Cammy : Belts.

  Mr. Schidtler : Belts. Belts? You gotta be kidding.

  Justin Cammy : No, sir. You see, if Sir Isaac Newton hadn't invented he law of gravity, then we wouldn't need belts to keep up out pants.

• Mr. Schidtler : Now, will someone please tell me the three categories of rock?

  Alasdair Gillis : Oh, sir! Sir.

  Mr. Schidtler : Alasdair.

  Alasdair Gillis : It's igneous, metamorphic and sedimentary.

  Mr. Schidtler : No, no, no. Don't you know anything? The three classes of rock: hard rock, country rock, and punk rock.

• Mr. Schidtler : Class, in botany there are several plants which have the prefix "dog." Who can name some of them? Uh, Lisa?

  Lisa Ruddy : The dog rose?

  Mr. Schidtler : Very good. Yes, that's right. Uh, Ben.

  Ben Schreiner : Um... the dogwood tree.

  Mr. Schidtler : Excellento. And Christine.

  Christine McGlade : Uh... the dog violet.

  Mr. Schidtler : No, that's good. Yes, that's right. Yes. Alasdair. Alasdair. How 'bout you?

  Alasdair Gillis : Uhh... How 'bout the, uh, collie flower, sir?

• Nasti : Uh, Gillis, do you remember ven vee cleared all de rats outta dis dungeon for scientific experiments?

  Alasdair Gillis : Oh, yeah. I do, and it's been great down here the last couple of weeks without the rats stealing my food and crawling up my leg.

  Nasti : Yeah, vell, you see, unfortunately, ve've run outta rats.

  Alasdair Gillis : Y-you don't mean...

  Nasti : Mm-hm!

  Alasdair Gillis : You wouldn't.

  Nasti : Sure. Come on, now, Gillis.

  Alasdair Gillis : Oh, no! Come ON!

  Nasti : This is your opportunity to do something good for science.

  Alasdair Gillis : NO!

• Ross Ewich : [relieving Alasdair, covered in slime, of his ingredients list for green slime]  Okay, I'll-I'll take that, thank you.

  Christine McGlade : Well, Ross, I'm sorry but it's just too late, because Alasdair read all the ingredients over the air, and now everyone knows what is in green slime, so you'll just have to find another way to get us.

  Alasdair Gillis : That's right, Ross.

  Ross Ewich : That is where you are wrong, Christine.

  Christine McGlade : What're you talking about?

  Ross Ewich : Well, as a matter of fact, dose folks out there never heard a word. The theme music was playin' and they couldn't hear Alasdair's voice. Ha-ha-ha.

  Christine McGlade : What?

  Ross Ewich : That's right.

  Christine McGlade : Wait a second...

  Ross Ewich : Yeah. Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

  Alasdair Gillis : Oh, Ross, gimme that list!

  [Ross eats it] 

  Ross Ewich : Mm, not bad. Needs salt.