Family Guy (TV Series)

Padre de Familia (2007)

Alex Borstein: Lois Griffin, Barbara Pewterschmidt, Voiceover

Photos 

Quotes 

• Peter Griffin : Hello, my American family.

  Lois Griffin : Peter, where did you get that suit?

  Stewie Griffin : My God, you look like the Statue of Liberty's pimp!

• Lois Griffin : Oh, Peter, you look exhausted.

  Peter Griffin : I am, Lois. Life as a Mexican immigrant is brutal. Even after seven jobs and joining Menudo, I only made 25 bucks.

  Lois Griffin : Now, look, don't get upset, but I've been so worried about you that I asked someone for help.

  Peter Griffin : Who?

  Carter : Hello, fatass.

  Peter Griffin : [defiantly]  Lois, immigrants don't take handouts. They just take one DVD a month from the house they're cleaning until they have a respectable collection.

  Lois Griffin : It's not a handout, it's a job. Daddy employs lots of immigrants, and he said you could work at the mansion.

  Peter Griffin : Really? Well, thanks a lot, Mr. Pewterschmidt. I promise I won't let you down.

  Carter : Well, they all do eventually. Except for Noriega. God bless him and his drug money. I wish he were here today.

  Noriega : Hi, Mr. Pewterschmidt.

  Carter : Oh, look who it is!

  [chasing him around] 

  Carter : Come here so I can give you a hug. Come here so I can give you a hug.

• Chris Griffin : [at a Veteran's Day parade]  Mom, how come when we see these guys on the street corner, you tell me not to stare at 'em, and today that's all we're doing?

  Lois Griffin : Because, Chris, as Americans, we owe our lives to these veterans.

  Peter Griffin : Hey, look, Lois. "The John McCain Experience."

  [paying a vendor, he sits in a bamboo cage; a Vietnamese man locks it and pokes him with a stick] 

  Peter Griffin : Aah! Aah! Aah!

  [sobbing] 

  Peter Griffin : I wanna be president!

• Lois Griffin : Peter, have you seen Stewie's Speedy Gonzales video? He won't go to sleep without it.

  Peter Griffin : I threw it away.

  Stewie Griffin : What? What the hell, man? I don't throw away your stuff. And where's my goat?

  Lois Griffin : Peter, why would you do that?

  Peter Griffin : Because Speedy Gonzales is an immigrant and a bad influence on our children, so I created his American equivalent, Rapid Dave.

  [he puts a DVD in the player] 

  Sylvester : I got you now, mouse.

  Rapid Dave : Yeah? Well, up yours, cat. Quickly, quickly, quickly, run fast!

  [speeding away] 

  Rapid Dave : Run fast, quickly!

• Lois Griffin : Peter, how come you're not at work?

  Peter Griffin : I got fired for being an illegal immigrant.

  Lois Griffin : Oh, dear. You know, Peter, you can always take a citizenship test. I mean, if Wilmer Valderrama passed, it can't be that difficult.

  Peter Griffin : Well, by that logic, Lois, it can't be that difficult to nail Lindsay Lohan.

  Lois Griffin : I don't think it is.

  Peter Griffin : Oh. Well, good news there. All right, you wanna head down to the INS?

• Lois Griffin : Peter, what are you gonna do about a job? We can't just keep eating into our savings.

  Peter Griffin : I'll just have to find a job for an illegal immigrant.

  Meg Griffin : I can't believe this is happening to our family.

  Peter Griffin : It's taken us all by surprise, Meg. Like that realistic original ending to "Dirty Dancing".