- Mikey: [after Gus kicks a brand new ball over the fence] Can I borrow a pencil, Gus? I *LOST* mine.
- Billy: Hey, maybe Gus kicked IT over the fence, too.
- Theodore J. 'T.J.' Detweiler: Wow! A brand-new, Mega 5000, wobble-free, Spirit of '76 kickball!
- Vince LaSalle: With super bounce action! Perfectly balanced, aerodynamically designed. They haven't made these babies since the '80s.
- Theodore J. 'T.J.' Detweiler: C'mon Gus, don't listen to them. It was an accident. It coulda happened to anybody.
- Gus Griswald: But it didn't. It happened to me. Stuff like this ALWAYS happens to me.
- Vince LaSalle: Not always, Gus. USUALLY, but not always.