- David Hogan: She's really into school pride - and I just wanted to impress her with my sincerity by pretending I care.
- Willie Hogan: Think of it! You and me together, loose in the Windy City, doing whatever we want.
- Mark Hogan: Cutting school? Something like this could keep me off the Supreme Court.
- Willie Hogan: Live a little - take a chance. Don't you want to have stories to tell your grandchildren?
- Mark Hogan: Well, I guess my adventures as hall monitor might wear a little thin.
- Willie Hogan: I'll handle everything; all you have to do is act natural. I have a foolproof plan.
- Mark Hogan: Why do I suddenly feel like Ethel Mertz?
- Mark Hogan: [impersonating his father] Seems my little co-pilots are sick today. I must have brought home a head cold from Australia - they're feeling a little... down under.
- Willie Hogan: Tell me you didn't have fun getting chased out of that adult bookstore.
- Mark Hogan: Did you see anything?
- Willie Hogan: Nah. Did you?
- Mark Hogan: Well, I thought I saw something, but I'm pretty sure it was just an elbow.
- Sandy Hogan: Are you cutting school?
- Mark Hogan: Well, actually it's, um... it's more of a personal day. One might even call it an individual field trip.
- Mark Hogan: I feel sorry for you, Willie - you have no sense of brotherhood. One of these days - maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, maybe not the day after that; you know, it could be a month from now...
- Willie Hogan: Mark, what's your point?
- Mark Hogan: The point is that someday you're gonna be in trouble. You're gonna need my help - and you know what I'm gonna say to you?
- Willie Hogan: Something long-winded and dull?
- Mark Hogan: Get away from me.
- Willie Hogan: I felt bad, Mark. I treated you crummy, and you still tried to cover for me. I hate it when you're better than me.
- Sandy Hogan: Are you willing to be seen like this in front of all your friends?
- David Hogan: Hey - even clowns have needs.