Robert Harley: Self - Various, India Rubber Jones, Milton Keens, The Man with No Name, Little John

Quotes 

• Narrator : Once again, the everlasting duo, India Rubber Jones and his sort of good chum Cheese Plant, find themselves in a situation more impossible than a trapeze flying haddock. This week, I.R. and C.P. are found in deepest Apache country.

  India Rubber Jones : Well, Cheese Plant, here we are in deepest Apache Country, 200 miles from nowhere.

  Cheese Plant : I.R.?

  India Rubber Jones : Yes, C.P.?

  Cheese Plant : Why?

  India Rubber Jones : We wait to rendezvous with great Apache leader.

  Queen Big Ho-ho : How.

  India Rubber Jones : Simple, really, we just stand here until she shows up and then we...

  Cheese Plant : [interrupting]  Eh no, I.R.,

  [coughs] 

  Cheese Plant : I think she means 'how' as in 'hi gang'.

  India Rubber Jones : Of course she does. You've heard of Princess Mini-Ha-ha?

  Cheese Plant : Sure thing, I.R.

  India Rubber Jones : This is her sister, Queen Big Ho-ho.

  Cheese Plant : You don't say?

  [India Rubber does not say] 

  Cheese Plant : Oh. Okay, Queen Big Ho-ho, when shall we three meet again to smoke the pipe of peace?

  Queen Big Ho-ho : When buffalo come once more to graze upon young grass that runs beside the river. When the eagle makes his nest in tall rock across the yellow valley. When the sun sets beyond the mountains and the moon is born again in basket of great walking woman who strides the seven hills. And brother beaver once more make his home of mud and branches in lower folk of river. When Arapaho braves are seen no more in blue meadow, beneath the red clouds weeping. Then we shall meet.

  Cheese Plant : When's that, I.R.?

  India Rubber Jones : Half past three.

  Cheese Plant : Oh.

  Narrator : And so another more exciting than doing the waltzing watusi with Wayne Sleep adventure comes to a close. India Rubber Jones and Cheese Plant appear by kind permission of their mums.