Scrubs (TV Series)

His Story IV (2007)

Zach Braff: Dr. John 'J.D.' Dorian

Quotes 

• Janitor : I'll debate Iraq with you.

  J.D. : Prepare to be dazzled.

  Janitor : OK. In my opinion, we should be looking for bin Laden in Pakistan.

  J.D. : ...You have that globe nearby?

• J.D. : Hey, Dr. Kelso.

  [gives him a pat on the back] 

  Dr. Kelso : [thinking]  I actually don't mind that goofy bastard. If he were gay, he'd be perfect for my son. Harrison has been looking for a new power bottom. All my little worker bees, buzzing about... buzzzz... buzzz... I love making that sound... buzzz. Dr. Reid. Ever since she quit the hospital for private practice, you pretended she's invisible. So don't break stride.

  [walks straight past Elliot, bumping her on the shoulder deliberately and making all her files scatter across the floor] 

  Dr. Kelso : KERBLAMO!

  Elliot : HEY!

  Dr. Kelso : Skiddle-ee-dee, skiddle-ee-doo.

• Janitor : Typical Dorian. Runnin' away from an argument you know nothing about.

  J.D. : I know all about the war.

  Janitor : Really.

  [pulls out a globe] 

  Janitor : Point to Iraq.

  J.D. : Why do you keep a globe on your janitor cart?

  Janitor : In case I get lost. I'll give you a hint, it's not the country shaped like a boot.

  J.D. : [points to the globe]  That's Iraq.

  Janitor : That's China.

  J.D. : You're China!

  Janitor : That's an outrageous accusation.

  [bites into his sandwich] 

  Janitor : Needs salt. Where's my bunny? Bingo?

• J.D. : [thinking about Dr. Kelso]  I always wondered what he did in his office all day.

  [flash to fantasy of Kelso in his office with Ted] 

  Dr. Kelso : Human Magic 8-Ball, tell me if I should play golf this weekend?

  [He shakes Ted's head like a Magic 8-ball] 

  Ted Buckland : I am a lawyer!

  Dr. Kelso : I said, should I play golf?

  [Kelso shakes Ted's head again] 

  Ted Buckland : Ask again later!... Why would I say that?

  [Kelso shakes his head again] 

  Ted Buckland : [flash back to J.D] 

  J.D. : [thinking]  My daydreams are crazy!

  Ted Buckland : Oh, dizzy!

  [he collapses against a rack of medical supplies, knocking it over]