- Shep: Went all through t' last war, five and a half years on it, and I can't say as I ever hated Jerries, but I've been six months a lollipop man, and I could cheerfully strangle every little brat under eighteen.
- Compo: Hey! You must be mad wanting to strangle poor, little, innocent kids! Use your pole; what do you think it's for?
- [first lines]
- Gloria: Morning, Mrs Batty.
- Nora Batty: Morning, Gloria luv.
- Gloria: One thing, shan't have to scour me step in Australia.
- Nora Batty: Why ever not? You're not going to let yourself drift into mucky habits when you get there, are you?
- Gloria: No, they don't do it down there.
- Nora Batty: Not scour the steps! Eeugh!
- Miss Jones: I want to go back to the Children's Library.
- Miss Probert: We're needed here, Jones.
- Miss Jones: I want to go back where 'Puss in Boots' means just that, and not that awful magazine.
- Miss Probert: I know, dear. I got a bit of a shake or two when I flipped through that thing about fairies.
- Clegg: The young are a great comfort as you grow older. Makes you realize that at least you're going in the right direction.
- Miss Jones: I don't know what you've got against men.
- Miss Probert: Ten thousand years of tyranny! And that weird way they look when they're undressed.